In the fall of
1988 which would be the 14th year of sobriety or as I like to
characterize it; “not drinking time at best”, my former wife had open heart
surgery in Orlando, Fl. At this time I
was retired from the U.S. Navy for 3 years and was employed as a City Letter
Carrier by the U.S. Postal Service…from one uniform to another. From one guaranteed paycheck to another. “…fear of economic security” will be the
subject of another post later.
As I visited my
wife on a Sunday afternoon in the cardiac surgery center one afternoon, in her
weakened state she asked me; “does this mean you will quit smoking now?” I thought that was an interesting question
since she still was a nearly pack a day smoker herself. My response was in retrospect just a little
callous possibly. I stated; “No, this
seems to be your life problem not mine, I know that “things” I give up or quit
for another never works, I need to do things like that for myself”. While this did not seem to sit well with her,
what could she say? It really was her
problem. I totally did not have any
ideas or thoughts of quitting smoking.
It was my right! I was
allowed! It is my lungs! As you can see I was steeped in fear of
trying to stop yet another addiction which I had failed at miserably before in
my life.
My cigarette
addiction had become a pack and one-half a day habit. Smoking preceded or superseded everything in
my life it seemed. When I arose on
Monday morning something deep within me signaled that the time was near for me
to stop smoking. I tried to beat this
voice back and or ignore it. Yet I told
my oldest daughter that when this pack of cigarettes I was working on was empty
that she would wash the ashtrays in our home and put them away. I sincerely thought I was possessed. That could not be “ME” saying this. Then the good conscious mind kicked in and
said; “uh, yeah”.
Well that pack of
cigarettes which should have been done and gone by noon time lasted until
Friday morning around 10:00AM. Wait. Did I just say Friday morning? Yuppp.
It had to be some form of spiritual witchcraft. A not nearly full pack of cigarettes lasting nearly 5 days? Yes. It would seem without me knowing it or “requesting
it” consciously, God was doing for me that which I had never ever be able to
do, quit smoking on my own. Being a good
daughter, she washed and put away all the ashtrays. I have not had a cigarette since then. Of course this is just to easy right? Again,yupppp.
While I never
again smoked I did devour a lot and I mean a lot of Lifesavers. I would have been smart to buy stock in the
company. I gained nearly 10 pounds in
the next six months. I had not gained
weight in over 30 years. Smoking it
seems was a good weight control program.
It seems I was to accept that I could lose some weight or go to a dentist
to repair my physical maladies. I could
not repair death from cigarette usage.
So it seems that the little ditty; “God is doing for us that which we could
not do for ourselves” was true and correct.
When taken in conjunction with another cutie “…more will be revealed”,
it can be a moving Divine experience.
So, “…more was revealed”.
As I said at
this time I was employed by the U.S. Postal Service which still allowed smoking
under certain conditions in their facilities.
I had been off for 10 days taking care of children while my wife had her
open heart surgery. I had followed God’s
direction and quit smoking at the end of the 10 days just prior to returning to
work. As I walked back into the U.S
Postal Service facility where I worked all my friends and well wishers seemed
very quiet and subdued. I was not sure
what was going on, with the Postal Service, one never knew what was
happening. As I returned to my assigned
work area I noticed that all of my smoking buddies were not smoking and all the
metal clip-on ashtrays had been removed.
It seemed to me
that “more really was about to be revealed”.
It seems that the Friday that The Divine enabled me to stop smoking of
my own volition, the U.S. Postal Service in a surprise, swift and final move
declared all of their facilities a NON SMOKING area. Nowhere on Postal grounds was it now
allowed. Many of my contemporaries were
hostile, were belligerent and downright hostile at this decision. I was in fact watching myself if I had not
stopped smoking. I was a “take not
hostages nor prisoners and kill all” type of guy when it came to smoking. I know for a fact in my heart and mind, had I
walked into work that morning and still been a smoker I would have turned
around and left and quit. That was my
typical attitude. It is my right! I am allowed!
It is my lungs! Indeed more had
been revealed.
Today when these
two and other sayings pop into my head I simply smile that smile of knowing and
try to sit back in life and wait for the next Divine Occurrence which is coming. I have found out for me that The Source of
Life does not bluff. When “IT” makes an
announcement or statement in my Mind, I know it is a done deal. I just need to hang around and “let it
happen”. Why fight it? It will happen in spite of me. This it turns out is indeed; “The easier
softer way”.
Trite
sayings? Platitudes? No, not in my
current thinking. More like advance
notices from the Creator of Life and Love.
I just need to be ready and willing to let Life occur in and around me
and enjoy contented sobriety as opposed to neurotic dryness. Oh oh, I just had an intuitive thought aka.
message, something like; “…just do it !”.
I think my relaxation in life is over for the time being. Hmmmm, just do what? Living in the mystery still.
Love and light
Richard
aka. ezduzit777 on twitter
richard curtis on FB
