"You gotta stop and smell the roses!", like what the heck does that really mean? I never knew. My grandmother had a saying for every moment and every situation. I just ignored most of what she had to say. Things like; "to forgive is human and to forget is divine"...really?. Little treasures like that.
Now in later recovery, later? Hmmm, contented? Hmmmm long?, yeah, long recovery, some of my grandmothers old sayings are starting to actually make sense to me. Like the one; "you gotta stop and smell the roses." I know that roses could only smell in a present moment, certainly not in the past, for I can't be there and not in the future since I am not there yet.
I think that the term "roses" may be a reference to The Divine. The glorious smell of a rose just blooming in the cool morning can bring waves of joy, peace and love to mind quickly. Much the same as those quiet yet dynamic interior thoughts we can have of God or IT. Both actions can foster nearly identical feelings and thoughts. For so many years I would not, not could not, but would not stop long enough to enjoy Life, GOD or any physical beauty around me. Now today in long recovery I am learning that "smelling the roses" is the payoff for all the effort and tribulations of recovery.
In long recovery, and by the way, one does not have to wait for long recovery, "right now" would be a grand time", it is my choice each and every waking moment of just exactly what I want to experience in my daily life. It is through my perception that I "see" what is going on and thus make wise informed choices. Looking to IT for peace, love and joy vice allowing myself to me mired down in my humanity of doubt, worry, expectations and human suffering.
In the very early days of recovery the old timers would look at me and ask me if I thought it was; "all about me?", actually I would answer yes. They reminded me that maybe that was a little egotistical or narcissistic and I should mend my ways. Of course they were right at that time. Life may have evolved to the point where it is all about ME, noting that me is now ME.....not me. The little "me" has given for the most part, not all of it, way to the Higher "ME" and yes recovery is in fact all about "ME".
It seems to come down to the fact that as promised early in recovery that I would be given choices. Today I am afforded the opportunity to choose between racing dangerously around and through fear in life or choosing to take my time and allow the Guide in life to direct my efforts. It truly is in fact "All about ME!".
That means that it is time to close my eyes, open the screen of my imagination and see, smell and experiences in this present moment that I know are manifestations of God or IT in my life today during each "Present Moment". Namaskar'.
Love and Light,
richard aka ezduzit777 on Twitter
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Hmmmm Honesty or Insanity?"
The question keeps popping up of late; "should I or do I share the contents of my 4th Step with my significant other?" For as many people in recovery there are probably that many answers. Each of us must take responsibility for ALL of our actions, in or out of recovery. I have my own experience and that of two persons I sponsor to share, and yes, I have their explicit permission to share various parts of their story.
First answer, "Yes" for the wrong reason. Circa 1977 a gentleman named Bob P. completed his 4th and 5th step inventory and sharing and then immediately shared a large portion of that process with his wife. At this point his wife became fearful, angry, outraged, vindictive, etc.....you get the idea. I asked him why he would do this and he stated that; "I just thought I needed to be honest with her". I remembered that his wife had not ever known about his escapades during his active addiction and this was a monumental exposure to her. We immediately launched into another 4th step inventory trying to decipher what Bobs real intention or motive was for telling her. He discovered that he really was trying assuage his conscience about his activities and under all his nobleness lie the truth that he wanted to shift the "monkey" to her back. If she balked at his explanation and revelation he could simply claim; "I was just trying to be honest and open.".....we neurotics can be; "...cunning, baffling and powerful". As The Divine would have it, Bobs wife was a psychologist and knew the advantage of using outside professional help. After about 2 years of intense couples counseling with a truly trained counselor, their marriage is more solid than ever and very much "open and honest".
Second answer "Yes" for the right reason. Circa 2001 another sponsee of mine Alice also completed her 4th and 5th step. She inquired of me; "what about disclosure to my significant other?" I asked what her intention and motivation were for disclosing a few sordid details of complete insanity while practicing her addiction? She said that she wanted to not be fearful of being found out and that from this point forward she wanted a open and honest relationship. She then began a process of determining which facts she would share. At the end of this fact finding process she then decided to put herself into counseling with a good well trained couples therapist. Her intent was to try and understand all of her part in this process of the relationship and then work with her significant other in the presence of a trained professional. It worked. Three months of counseling and a request to have her significant other join her and now today they are on steady good ground in their relationship.
It would appear to me that intent and motivation played a large part in both of the above cases. Bobs intent and motivation seemed fear based and selfish while Alice's was a positive effort to be very careful and compassionate with her partners life process. Yes both courses worked. The first answer though was rife and fraught with possible pitfalls and potential disaster. The second answer was based in deep seeded love of herself, her partner and the God of her understanding. This sounds like Alice in fact (which she did) looked forward in the steps a little to steps 8 and 9. She knew that she had to be on solid mental and spiritual ground if she were to discuss this openly and honestly with her partner. Bob on the other hand simply operated out his current fear and took what appears to be the "easier softer way"....but was it?
Obviously there also has to be two no answers, one for the right reason and one for the wrong reason. When this decision is made "in the Sunlight of the Spirit" it usually is pretty straight forward and the way becomes apparent readily. If we make any decision based upon any of our self generated fears we are setting ourselves up for some form of disaster and represents answering no for the wrong reason, self. Honesty is always the best policy in every case.....tempered with loving intent and motivation. So a no for the right reason, at least in the present moment can be a powerful and correct thing. Later after re-establishing a solid emotional and spiritual recovery one may be provided the opportunity to change a no to a yes. After all, the sordid past waited this long what is a few more hours, days, weeks, etc. if the payoff has such a marvelous ending?
My own experience? A combination of the two....and I assure you that saying yes and then seeking the guidance and help of a trained professional was the key to being happy, joyous and free as I am today. I long ago had to come to the realization that my recovery program DID NOT have all the answers and processes need to keep me in balance. I must heed this urging and did seek outside help and today urge all those I know to do the same. We in the recovery programs are not trained in many situations which people need help in. Our text is explicit in urging us to seek outside professionals, so maybe we should.
So just for today my personal lament is; "The doctor is out"!
Love and light
richard
First answer, "Yes" for the wrong reason. Circa 1977 a gentleman named Bob P. completed his 4th and 5th step inventory and sharing and then immediately shared a large portion of that process with his wife. At this point his wife became fearful, angry, outraged, vindictive, etc.....you get the idea. I asked him why he would do this and he stated that; "I just thought I needed to be honest with her". I remembered that his wife had not ever known about his escapades during his active addiction and this was a monumental exposure to her. We immediately launched into another 4th step inventory trying to decipher what Bobs real intention or motive was for telling her. He discovered that he really was trying assuage his conscience about his activities and under all his nobleness lie the truth that he wanted to shift the "monkey" to her back. If she balked at his explanation and revelation he could simply claim; "I was just trying to be honest and open.".....we neurotics can be; "...cunning, baffling and powerful". As The Divine would have it, Bobs wife was a psychologist and knew the advantage of using outside professional help. After about 2 years of intense couples counseling with a truly trained counselor, their marriage is more solid than ever and very much "open and honest".
Second answer "Yes" for the right reason. Circa 2001 another sponsee of mine Alice also completed her 4th and 5th step. She inquired of me; "what about disclosure to my significant other?" I asked what her intention and motivation were for disclosing a few sordid details of complete insanity while practicing her addiction? She said that she wanted to not be fearful of being found out and that from this point forward she wanted a open and honest relationship. She then began a process of determining which facts she would share. At the end of this fact finding process she then decided to put herself into counseling with a good well trained couples therapist. Her intent was to try and understand all of her part in this process of the relationship and then work with her significant other in the presence of a trained professional. It worked. Three months of counseling and a request to have her significant other join her and now today they are on steady good ground in their relationship.
It would appear to me that intent and motivation played a large part in both of the above cases. Bobs intent and motivation seemed fear based and selfish while Alice's was a positive effort to be very careful and compassionate with her partners life process. Yes both courses worked. The first answer though was rife and fraught with possible pitfalls and potential disaster. The second answer was based in deep seeded love of herself, her partner and the God of her understanding. This sounds like Alice in fact (which she did) looked forward in the steps a little to steps 8 and 9. She knew that she had to be on solid mental and spiritual ground if she were to discuss this openly and honestly with her partner. Bob on the other hand simply operated out his current fear and took what appears to be the "easier softer way"....but was it?
Obviously there also has to be two no answers, one for the right reason and one for the wrong reason. When this decision is made "in the Sunlight of the Spirit" it usually is pretty straight forward and the way becomes apparent readily. If we make any decision based upon any of our self generated fears we are setting ourselves up for some form of disaster and represents answering no for the wrong reason, self. Honesty is always the best policy in every case.....tempered with loving intent and motivation. So a no for the right reason, at least in the present moment can be a powerful and correct thing. Later after re-establishing a solid emotional and spiritual recovery one may be provided the opportunity to change a no to a yes. After all, the sordid past waited this long what is a few more hours, days, weeks, etc. if the payoff has such a marvelous ending?
My own experience? A combination of the two....and I assure you that saying yes and then seeking the guidance and help of a trained professional was the key to being happy, joyous and free as I am today. I long ago had to come to the realization that my recovery program DID NOT have all the answers and processes need to keep me in balance. I must heed this urging and did seek outside help and today urge all those I know to do the same. We in the recovery programs are not trained in many situations which people need help in. Our text is explicit in urging us to seek outside professionals, so maybe we should.
So just for today my personal lament is; "The doctor is out"!
Love and light
richard
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)