It has became apparent in the most recent of times that either I make decisions, informed decisions for myself or someone or something else will make them for me. I may not like the decisions that are made for me.
While practicing my active addiction my only decisions were based on near real time and solely were made in support of that active addiction. Things like; where is my next drink, what will I need to do to get that drink, do I really care what I am supposed to be doing while I drink, do I care what the ramifications are of my drinking, and the list went on and on.
My life at that time was actually more of the decisions I did not make rather than the decisions I did make. I had a horrendous fear of making any decisions for myself or anyone else which would make me responsible for the outcome of that decision. I would let things happen no matter how good, bad, or ugly they were rather than actually make a decision. When others made the life decisions for me and they turned out right, I somehow made sure I got the credit. Yeah. Guess who got the credit when it all turned out wrong? Not me!
Ok. So we get recovered of some form and now I gotta grow up....argggggg. Grownups make decisions, informed decisions. No wayyyyy. This process once again threatened me with having to take responsibility for my own life and own decisions. Not a favorite pass time of mine. So through the natural recovery process I begin to rely upon a Power Greater than Myself and IT seems to be doing well at helping me find decisions. "...we will intuitively know how to handle situations..." was just what I needed.s
To be honest, and I am, I did not start making really wise or informed decisions until nearly 2 decades of sobriety. Even then my decisions were not of the best kind. At least I was making them. Every time I made a good and wise decision I seemed to catalog how I did it, what it was like and how to do it again. Some would call this learning. Another new subject for me.
Now days I make every attempt to utilize one of the best slogans of the program; "Think, Think, Think". Do my homework. Make inquiries. Meditate. Mentor with my adviser's either in or out of recovery. If possible wait an appropriate amount of time. Wow....this stuff really works. Do I sometimes make not so good decisions? Yes. I am but a fallible human and will always be saddled with that. I sure do make less not good decisions today than I ever ever did.
My latest triumphant decision? I started this article over 4 weeks ago. I could never get past the title. I had not made a decision that I wanted to reveal just another portion of me to the world. My friend Michelle over at "Bleeding Espresso" helped me uncork the feelings and make a wise and good decision to move ahead and be what I can be. Thank you Michelle for your personal demonstration.
Next big one coming down the line? Sighhhh. Will it be strawberry icy bars or pudding cups? Gonna think on this for, well just a bit.
Love and Light,
richard
follow me on twitter as ezduzit777
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
What comes from the mouth starts in the mind!
In many meetings I hear the term; "...the alcoholic mind...". Seems to refer to a mind that is not operating correctly yet, one that is still riddled with the effects of the disease we call alcoholism. That being said, I guess that means that some of what is said and that I hear is probably coming from, well, an alcoholic mind.
Maybe some of those sharing that seem to need to use profanity or try and have some form of shock value for the rest of us are really speaking from an alcoholic mind? I mean I remember my 4th grade teacher saying that if we could not express ourselves without profanity then we probably had no idea what we were trying to say. It is true that at the end of my active addiction that I truly spoke like the "two fisted sailor I was". Yikes! I do apologize to anyone who knew me then and can remember what I had to swear about.
As I moved into longer "non drinking time", not to be construed with "sobriety", definition to follow, I became ever so aware that my language was in fact at many times inappropriate for mixed company such as children and elders which I thought I respected. Four letter words don't make for a very meaningful conversation at anytime anywhere. I started to make a conscious effort to see if I could in fact change my learned behavior in my speech and become a ahhhhh adult! What a concept for me. Current working definition of sobriety is; "...emotional stability which allows spiritual growth.".
Now many 24 hours later as I sit in the rooms and counsel with others one on one I sometimes hear my old self and frankly I don't really enjoy it. I am shocked at the number of people who continually need to express themselves using the language of their past active addiction. This is what they meant by an alcoholic mind. The mind which has not moved forward. The mind that is stuck in days of old. The mind that is somewhat infantile and afraid to act like a responsible person. I am totally aware that for myself and I suspect for others there is absolutely no reason for me to resort to profanity, none.
I also see a danger, only because I am now living with the results of some of this behavior in speech, in the toll it took on my children. My children are older now and are raising their children. I remember not so all along ago though that I was hearing those four letter words out of their mouth. I used to hide my head and tell myself it was "those other kids" that was influencing them. Wrong. It was me. Not a good example was I at many times. While I truly regret that influence on them, I know that it is theirs to correct if it still a habit with them. I cannot correct that in them. Nor can I correct that in anyone around me in or out of the meetings. I am allowed and responsible to at times to bring it to others attention if it is offending me. Then I trust I will have; "...the courage to change the things I can...".
Love and Light
richard
Maybe some of those sharing that seem to need to use profanity or try and have some form of shock value for the rest of us are really speaking from an alcoholic mind? I mean I remember my 4th grade teacher saying that if we could not express ourselves without profanity then we probably had no idea what we were trying to say. It is true that at the end of my active addiction that I truly spoke like the "two fisted sailor I was". Yikes! I do apologize to anyone who knew me then and can remember what I had to swear about.
As I moved into longer "non drinking time", not to be construed with "sobriety", definition to follow, I became ever so aware that my language was in fact at many times inappropriate for mixed company such as children and elders which I thought I respected. Four letter words don't make for a very meaningful conversation at anytime anywhere. I started to make a conscious effort to see if I could in fact change my learned behavior in my speech and become a ahhhhh adult! What a concept for me. Current working definition of sobriety is; "...emotional stability which allows spiritual growth.".
Now many 24 hours later as I sit in the rooms and counsel with others one on one I sometimes hear my old self and frankly I don't really enjoy it. I am shocked at the number of people who continually need to express themselves using the language of their past active addiction. This is what they meant by an alcoholic mind. The mind which has not moved forward. The mind that is stuck in days of old. The mind that is somewhat infantile and afraid to act like a responsible person. I am totally aware that for myself and I suspect for others there is absolutely no reason for me to resort to profanity, none.
I also see a danger, only because I am now living with the results of some of this behavior in speech, in the toll it took on my children. My children are older now and are raising their children. I remember not so all along ago though that I was hearing those four letter words out of their mouth. I used to hide my head and tell myself it was "those other kids" that was influencing them. Wrong. It was me. Not a good example was I at many times. While I truly regret that influence on them, I know that it is theirs to correct if it still a habit with them. I cannot correct that in them. Nor can I correct that in anyone around me in or out of the meetings. I am allowed and responsible to at times to bring it to others attention if it is offending me. Then I trust I will have; "...the courage to change the things I can...".
So when the noose of life slips tight like a perceived bad day, a driver cuts me off, my check bounces, lost or stolen money, you name it, some situation that I really don't like comes along, I try to change my spots. Oh by the way, scientists declare that leopards DO IN FACT change their spots as they grow older. That's for me. The two fisted drunken sailor wants to be accepted as a whole, holy person. That is my goal. Be accepted for what I am in this present moment. Do I have moments of momentary slipping back into old self? Of course. I may be good and I may have been born on Christmas Day, I am in fact still a human struggling to be "all I can be". It says on page 62 at the bottom of the page that; "God is our Father". Guess that not only gives me the right to act as a child of God, it gives me the task to act as that child; "...in all my affairs."
Love and Light
richard
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
and now xx years later, still a buck huh?
It would seem that a portion of my recovery has in fact stood still in time while the rest was in progression. That part would be the "prosperity of my life". I have pushed, pulled, slogged and fought my way through "lack of prosperity thinking" which was created all during my childhood and developing years. I was the kid who loaned his mother, a single mom raising two boys, money at 5% in 1952. Yeah lack of prosperity has been a nemesis.
It seems that a buck, you know, one silver dollar, coin of the realm was the going price of sobriety when I came to this fellowship. I cannot ever remember for the lonnnnnngest time in this program ever going to a meeting and not putting $1.00 dollar in the basket. That was my "duty". Those persons I saw putting more, whether that was $2 or $3 dollars more, well, they were older, longer in the program and it was their responsibility to take care of this fellowship. Whoa. Why does that now sound so self serving and selfish? Probably because it was selfish and still would be if true now.
It appears that our economy in the world has grown in some proportion since the beginning of my recovery yet my "free will donation" had not ever changed.....still a buck. Somehow I never saw the need for "me" to be the supportive one of the very thing that helped save my life, my fellowship. It was always someone else job, not mine.
Some years ago I witnessed an Intergroup that went defunct because to many people in to many groups felt it was "someone else's job" to donate their fair share. So many of us just thought it was someone else's job. Not sure why we let the Intergroup go down the drain. No mistakes in the Universe eh? After the demise of that Intergroup my sponsor and I talked a lot of who is the keeper of this fellowship. We chaired a lot of meetings on this subject. I began to understand that I was responsible for my portion of the fellowship.....if I wanted it to be here forever then I needed to do my part.
Just for today I am active as much as possible. I also began many years ago to scale up my "donation" so that it reflects a change in my consciousness and reflects a change in prosperity through recovery. I do not mean "tithing" or any manner of giving such as that. I simply try to assess what it is I have as a result of this fellowship and what would I like to give to to help back to my fellowship. As compared to some it is small, yet it is a huge effort on the part of a person who at one had a "total lack of prosperity thought process". I have come a long way baby!!!
Once again I am given the opportunity to be the example, being the lesson. Many see what I "put in the basket" and their eyebrows go up. Sometime later we notice their donation has also increased......ahhhh "...courage to change the things I can..." myself and maybe others by my demonstration.
Much of our literature was driven by scripture in the early days of this fellowship. This subject of "just a buck in the basket" seems to remind me that: "...as I give so I receive...". We are urged in our early program involvement to "give freely of that which was so freely given to us...", why can that not apply to our donation per meeting? It just does though, it just does. thatThe miracle of all this is that this "conscious thinking of prosperity" within the program has definitely filtered over in all of my life, and I am just tickled with that. It is a privilege to be able to give of my "time, talent, and treasure" in all my affairs.
Just a buck huh? Nope, not today.
Love and Light,
richard
PS: feel free to respond in any manner and I you would like I will respond to you.....
It seems that a buck, you know, one silver dollar, coin of the realm was the going price of sobriety when I came to this fellowship. I cannot ever remember for the lonnnnnngest time in this program ever going to a meeting and not putting $1.00 dollar in the basket. That was my "duty". Those persons I saw putting more, whether that was $2 or $3 dollars more, well, they were older, longer in the program and it was their responsibility to take care of this fellowship. Whoa. Why does that now sound so self serving and selfish? Probably because it was selfish and still would be if true now.
It appears that our economy in the world has grown in some proportion since the beginning of my recovery yet my "free will donation" had not ever changed.....still a buck. Somehow I never saw the need for "me" to be the supportive one of the very thing that helped save my life, my fellowship. It was always someone else job, not mine.
Some years ago I witnessed an Intergroup that went defunct because to many people in to many groups felt it was "someone else's job" to donate their fair share. So many of us just thought it was someone else's job. Not sure why we let the Intergroup go down the drain. No mistakes in the Universe eh? After the demise of that Intergroup my sponsor and I talked a lot of who is the keeper of this fellowship. We chaired a lot of meetings on this subject. I began to understand that I was responsible for my portion of the fellowship.....if I wanted it to be here forever then I needed to do my part.
Just for today I am active as much as possible. I also began many years ago to scale up my "donation" so that it reflects a change in my consciousness and reflects a change in prosperity through recovery. I do not mean "tithing" or any manner of giving such as that. I simply try to assess what it is I have as a result of this fellowship and what would I like to give to to help back to my fellowship. As compared to some it is small, yet it is a huge effort on the part of a person who at one had a "total lack of prosperity thought process". I have come a long way baby!!!
Once again I am given the opportunity to be the example, being the lesson. Many see what I "put in the basket" and their eyebrows go up. Sometime later we notice their donation has also increased......ahhhh "...courage to change the things I can..." myself and maybe others by my demonstration.
Much of our literature was driven by scripture in the early days of this fellowship. This subject of "just a buck in the basket" seems to remind me that: "...as I give so I receive...". We are urged in our early program involvement to "give freely of that which was so freely given to us...", why can that not apply to our donation per meeting? It just does though, it just does. thatThe miracle of all this is that this "conscious thinking of prosperity" within the program has definitely filtered over in all of my life, and I am just tickled with that. It is a privilege to be able to give of my "time, talent, and treasure" in all my affairs.
Just a buck huh? Nope, not today.
Love and Light,
richard
PS: feel free to respond in any manner and I you would like I will respond to you.....
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
"How would I know"
When I hear someone say; "..I don't think they are ready for this yet?". They being a "sponsee" and "this" being a particular part of step work, I often wonder how would they know what is going on in another Mind???
I have found that just for me; "... I needed to quit playing God..." oh that line has already been immortalized in the Big Book page 62. As a sponsor or any type of mentor in life, I need to very aware that all persons do not show their life on "their sleeve". The old adage; "Don't judge a book by its cover" seems to apply here. Do I think I can divine or glean some sort of inner knowledge that "he or she" is or is not "ready"? I usually can't keep track of what I am thinking much less what another is thinking.
It seems that by listening intently more than talking with new people sponsee or not, allows me to share with them on an emotional level. If I need to do all the talking, if I need to be the one in charge, if I have to be in control, well I am in trouble and they need to find another mentor.
Dr. Martin Luther King used the words; "...free at last, free at last, thank God I am free at last.". If we try to have power or control over others, when will they ever get to utter those words? And, more importantly when will I get to voice those words just for me? There have been times in the past recovery years that I in fact would try to, "in the name of recovery and love", make sure all others around me did things "my way".
It seems that wherever I am actually trying to be in control of others I never seem to know or admit it. This illness which is characterized as; "...cunning, baffling, and powerful..." is truly at work when this happens to me. Usually when I start to talk to or report to MY mentor (sponsor), yes at nearly 40 years in this fellowship I still have and still use an active sponsor, does it become noted that I am once again suffering with my illness.....not drinking, but my illness, that underlying insanity of life which is unchecked by the practice of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps.
So it now comes down to, am I responsible or even supposed to be concerned with others that indicate "they do not think so-n-so is ready?". I know now that I am responsible for me and how I treat others. Of course I am also responsible to sharing with others if and only if they reach out. That reaching can take many forms. If I am diligent and successful in my prayer life through Step 11 I will know when and if to share my experience, strength and hope with others Otherwise, just be me and be mindful of what I am doing in life and "...let Him demonstrate through me that which He is capable of..." (BB. page 68).
Love and Light
Richard
I have found that just for me; "... I needed to quit playing God..." oh that line has already been immortalized in the Big Book page 62. As a sponsor or any type of mentor in life, I need to very aware that all persons do not show their life on "their sleeve". The old adage; "Don't judge a book by its cover" seems to apply here. Do I think I can divine or glean some sort of inner knowledge that "he or she" is or is not "ready"? I usually can't keep track of what I am thinking much less what another is thinking.
It seems that by listening intently more than talking with new people sponsee or not, allows me to share with them on an emotional level. If I need to do all the talking, if I need to be the one in charge, if I have to be in control, well I am in trouble and they need to find another mentor.
Dr. Martin Luther King used the words; "...free at last, free at last, thank God I am free at last.". If we try to have power or control over others, when will they ever get to utter those words? And, more importantly when will I get to voice those words just for me? There have been times in the past recovery years that I in fact would try to, "in the name of recovery and love", make sure all others around me did things "my way".
It seems that wherever I am actually trying to be in control of others I never seem to know or admit it. This illness which is characterized as; "...cunning, baffling, and powerful..." is truly at work when this happens to me. Usually when I start to talk to or report to MY mentor (sponsor), yes at nearly 40 years in this fellowship I still have and still use an active sponsor, does it become noted that I am once again suffering with my illness.....not drinking, but my illness, that underlying insanity of life which is unchecked by the practice of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps.
So it now comes down to, am I responsible or even supposed to be concerned with others that indicate "they do not think so-n-so is ready?". I know now that I am responsible for me and how I treat others. Of course I am also responsible to sharing with others if and only if they reach out. That reaching can take many forms. If I am diligent and successful in my prayer life through Step 11 I will know when and if to share my experience, strength and hope with others Otherwise, just be me and be mindful of what I am doing in life and "...let Him demonstrate through me that which He is capable of..." (BB. page 68).
Love and Light
Richard
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Birthday? Anniversary?? Which is it....???? maybe Gods Day....
Here I Am on the eve of yet another year going by...now let's see, is that birthday or anniversary? Never ever got a definitive word on this.
The very old timers I returned to life with loved birthdays. Time for celebrating, ya know, dinner, cake, meeting, cake and all the family together. Many times the celebrant would walk into their home group with the whooooole family, including granpa. What a noise they would make when chips came out. Zoweeeee. So I kind of really enjoyed that camraderie and togetherness. God only knows I never ever had any of it in my young life or even for a large part of my married life when I was a praction-er of my disease process. Yeah birthdays were cool then.
Then I fell in with a crowd that was ahhh sophisticated and suave. You know, hip, slick n cool. Well now none of the foolishness of "happy, joyous, and free", oh no, we needed to be mature and solid man. Oh how funny is that in retro-spect. This crowd patted backs, shook hands, maybe maybe not bought a "annivesary card". Anniversary? Yeah. Truly grown up we were eh?
Over the next years the event see sawed back and forth....just collect the chip n smile and be grateful. Never could figure out the birthday/anniversary difference. Seems like the longer I was around 'the rooms" the more blaise I had become about the event. Lethargy? Non-chalant? Not caring? No. Just being focused on life and letting, letting IT run my life.
There is an earlier blog item (http://goo.gl/rOSqX) that details my current feelings about "chips, medallions, etc.)....I call them Pocket Idols in that article. Still feel that way. I do believe there is a appropriate manner in which I should allow the world to know that God ("IT") has, does and always be the reason for my success.
I have no desire these days for a chip or medallion, my home group doesn't even have them. I have no desire for parties nor open celebrations. I am so very humbled and grateful that my dear dear friend and past sponsor in Orlando sent me a card once again this year and has for the last 26 years. I Am absolutely ready to take my lovely wife to dinner and let her shower me with gifts she chooses each year that will enhance or embolden my recovery. These are what I value today. These are what I would call "my just desserts" for my efforts.
So when I awaken tomorrow having been around these rooms of recovery continually since
08 February 1974 I have decided that I am going to celebrate "the day that the Lord has made for me...". I started my road to recovery learning to live one day at a time and intend to do today and then tomorrow.
I will also try to think of a loving powerful terse statement for my loving family on Twitter n Facebook....rats, does that connotate a celebration after all??? Need to work some more on this for the next year.
Love and light,
richard
aka ezduzit777 on twitter
and Richard Curtis on Facebook
The very old timers I returned to life with loved birthdays. Time for celebrating, ya know, dinner, cake, meeting, cake and all the family together. Many times the celebrant would walk into their home group with the whooooole family, including granpa. What a noise they would make when chips came out. Zoweeeee. So I kind of really enjoyed that camraderie and togetherness. God only knows I never ever had any of it in my young life or even for a large part of my married life when I was a praction-er of my disease process. Yeah birthdays were cool then.
Then I fell in with a crowd that was ahhh sophisticated and suave. You know, hip, slick n cool. Well now none of the foolishness of "happy, joyous, and free", oh no, we needed to be mature and solid man. Oh how funny is that in retro-spect. This crowd patted backs, shook hands, maybe maybe not bought a "annivesary card". Anniversary? Yeah. Truly grown up we were eh?
Over the next years the event see sawed back and forth....just collect the chip n smile and be grateful. Never could figure out the birthday/anniversary difference. Seems like the longer I was around 'the rooms" the more blaise I had become about the event. Lethargy? Non-chalant? Not caring? No. Just being focused on life and letting, letting IT run my life.
There is an earlier blog item (http://goo.gl/rOSqX) that details my current feelings about "chips, medallions, etc.)....I call them Pocket Idols in that article. Still feel that way. I do believe there is a appropriate manner in which I should allow the world to know that God ("IT") has, does and always be the reason for my success.
I have no desire these days for a chip or medallion, my home group doesn't even have them. I have no desire for parties nor open celebrations. I am so very humbled and grateful that my dear dear friend and past sponsor in Orlando sent me a card once again this year and has for the last 26 years. I Am absolutely ready to take my lovely wife to dinner and let her shower me with gifts she chooses each year that will enhance or embolden my recovery. These are what I value today. These are what I would call "my just desserts" for my efforts.
So when I awaken tomorrow having been around these rooms of recovery continually since
08 February 1974 I have decided that I am going to celebrate "the day that the Lord has made for me...". I started my road to recovery learning to live one day at a time and intend to do today and then tomorrow.
I will also try to think of a loving powerful terse statement for my loving family on Twitter n Facebook....rats, does that connotate a celebration after all??? Need to work some more on this for the next year.
Love and light,
richard
aka ezduzit777 on twitter
and Richard Curtis on Facebook
Sunday, January 8, 2012
"progress not perfection..." a copout?
It seems to me that in the early days of recovery I adhered to the process of; "...progress not perfection..." most of the time to justify my lack of recovery in a particular area.
I am now wondering if I did this as a "cop-out" during this phase of recovery. Each time my sponsor or one of you group members would "jack me up" about a particular character defect I had been working on less than diligently I would retort; "...it says progress not perfection" and I now know I meant "go away and leave me alone I like suffering".
After all I came to the process of recovery the king of excuses and cop-outs, I had an excuse for everything. I would lie about anything and usually did. When the truth was the best way I would still lie, sounds pathological right? It was. I would use the statement; "progress not perfection" as a shield or club, whichever fit the best in the moment.
Today I choose to stay in Reality or The Present Moment, whichever you choose. I have decided that the "easier softer way" is in fact the way of Truth and honesty. Born of the conviction that "IT" is always my source, I know I can say, do, face any situation in a given moment. There is no need to hide out away from life. Nothing is scary today.
Today when people I sponsor opt to use this line one me, I simply remind them that "now" is so much better than later to tackle change in their lives. They do not have be in pain and suffer, all they need to do is live life in Reality and in The Present Moment, for that is where The Divine resides.
Am I certain that I have this process down pat today? No. If I were perfect in every way the Great Reality or IT would not need me here on earth to demonstrate His/Her Love. I believe that I am the arms and feet of a Heavenly Father and IT uses me and all my trappings of life to teach others. Better I should do the footwork and "pass it on".
Love and Light
richard
I am now wondering if I did this as a "cop-out" during this phase of recovery. Each time my sponsor or one of you group members would "jack me up" about a particular character defect I had been working on less than diligently I would retort; "...it says progress not perfection" and I now know I meant "go away and leave me alone I like suffering".
After all I came to the process of recovery the king of excuses and cop-outs, I had an excuse for everything. I would lie about anything and usually did. When the truth was the best way I would still lie, sounds pathological right? It was. I would use the statement; "progress not perfection" as a shield or club, whichever fit the best in the moment.
Today I choose to stay in Reality or The Present Moment, whichever you choose. I have decided that the "easier softer way" is in fact the way of Truth and honesty. Born of the conviction that "IT" is always my source, I know I can say, do, face any situation in a given moment. There is no need to hide out away from life. Nothing is scary today.
Today when people I sponsor opt to use this line one me, I simply remind them that "now" is so much better than later to tackle change in their lives. They do not have be in pain and suffer, all they need to do is live life in Reality and in The Present Moment, for that is where The Divine resides.
Am I certain that I have this process down pat today? No. If I were perfect in every way the Great Reality or IT would not need me here on earth to demonstrate His/Her Love. I believe that I am the arms and feet of a Heavenly Father and IT uses me and all my trappings of life to teach others. Better I should do the footwork and "pass it on".
Love and Light
richard
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
"Are the 12 Steps the end or the beginning? Yes!"
Of late it seems that many of my sponsees and contemporaries in this 12 step program are being caught unaware or being startled at the fact that they may have put together a lot and I mean a lot of days without drinking yet their lives are totally; "...unmanageable." They seem to have been living under this idea that the 12 Steps brought about the end of their struggles as opposed to the reality that the 12 Steps actually open them up to many and more problems and at the same time give them aid in resolving all these new found problems.
For example. In my own case, I spent the first ohhhhh 20 to 30 years in this fellowship thinking and acting (and believing) that I had finally peeled enough layers of onion back to have exposed and treated all my "underlying problems".....ah the naivete of long term dryness. I was to realize that there were deep issues within my psyche that I may have been denying or just did not know that I did not know.
Fear of economic security was one. I had retired from the US Navy and the US Postal System and decided to move to where I reside now, Punta Gorda, Fl. That retirement and subsequent move went seemingly well and easy. Then I went from elation of deed in my life to total paranoia about how was I going to "make it". It took a few months of daily meetings, a lot of sharing very openly and the direction of a new found sponsor to help me see that I was just OK and that The Divine was truly "doing for me that which I could not do for myself". Numerous other areas have popped up to keep showing me that I am truly a work in progress.
While it is true that I have not had to fight the fight of drinking physically, the emotional and spiritual drinks I have taken in the last decades continue to be that which I must be" eternally vigilante" of. I have had to face health issues which I never ever thought I would have. The same goes with intricate relationship issues with my family. The list goes on, "...ad infinitum". My only answer to all these problems and solutions is the awareness and knowing of a Power Greater than Myself.
As these people in my life circles continue to bring their maladies to light and seek guidance I have become aware that the 12 Steps are truly a beginning and an end to my life today in this present moment. They have and still do give me a solid basis of living a healthy life in all manners and they also give me strength and courage to seek else where for answers to life problems that the program willingly admits "it" has no answers.
Therefore, for me the 12 Steps do represent a beginning of life as I know it today in this present moment by helping me make wise informed decisions. If the philosophy and activity of the 12 steps don't help resolve my issue then they prompt me to seek a Higher Authority whether that is a Divine Source or another human enterprise which I could use. Pride at least in this present moment does not prevent me from asking for help, just for this moment.
So the question of "Are the 12 steps the end or beginning?" can be answered with a yes to both counts. Their spiritual principles helped me end my way of life that was killing me and their principles now help me to live a way of life I never knew and continue to do so today, one day at a time.
Love and light,
richard
For example. In my own case, I spent the first ohhhhh 20 to 30 years in this fellowship thinking and acting (and believing) that I had finally peeled enough layers of onion back to have exposed and treated all my "underlying problems".....ah the naivete of long term dryness. I was to realize that there were deep issues within my psyche that I may have been denying or just did not know that I did not know.
Fear of economic security was one. I had retired from the US Navy and the US Postal System and decided to move to where I reside now, Punta Gorda, Fl. That retirement and subsequent move went seemingly well and easy. Then I went from elation of deed in my life to total paranoia about how was I going to "make it". It took a few months of daily meetings, a lot of sharing very openly and the direction of a new found sponsor to help me see that I was just OK and that The Divine was truly "doing for me that which I could not do for myself". Numerous other areas have popped up to keep showing me that I am truly a work in progress.
While it is true that I have not had to fight the fight of drinking physically, the emotional and spiritual drinks I have taken in the last decades continue to be that which I must be" eternally vigilante" of. I have had to face health issues which I never ever thought I would have. The same goes with intricate relationship issues with my family. The list goes on, "...ad infinitum". My only answer to all these problems and solutions is the awareness and knowing of a Power Greater than Myself.
As these people in my life circles continue to bring their maladies to light and seek guidance I have become aware that the 12 Steps are truly a beginning and an end to my life today in this present moment. They have and still do give me a solid basis of living a healthy life in all manners and they also give me strength and courage to seek else where for answers to life problems that the program willingly admits "it" has no answers.
Therefore, for me the 12 Steps do represent a beginning of life as I know it today in this present moment by helping me make wise informed decisions. If the philosophy and activity of the 12 steps don't help resolve my issue then they prompt me to seek a Higher Authority whether that is a Divine Source or another human enterprise which I could use. Pride at least in this present moment does not prevent me from asking for help, just for this moment.
So the question of "Are the 12 steps the end or beginning?" can be answered with a yes to both counts. Their spiritual principles helped me end my way of life that was killing me and their principles now help me to live a way of life I never knew and continue to do so today, one day at a time.
Love and light,
richard
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