Great thoughts and ideas, to bad they are not mine !

   One of my most favorite people in AA, Bill M.  hails from Canada, eh!  He sent me the following writing and I think it deserves a wider audience.  With his permission I am posting this on my blog series to get that audience.  This posting is verbatim and not change in any manner.  If you have comments or ideas feel free to post them on this blog.  I will ensure that he gets them.

Love and light
 richard

Who is in your WE group today?

I have never blogged (if that is what this is) but this morning I just felt like writing some thoughts down inspired from my morning meditation. After I wrote this I kind of felt like I wrote it to someone so I am sending it to a short list of folks who I consider to be on my we team today.

 

For many years in AA I never heard the expression that the first word in the steps is WE and how this concept of we is so important in AA.

I now hear this phrase regularly at meetings about how it is a WE program.

 

But what does it mean?

 

Today in my meditation the title question came to me which is “who is in my we group today”?  who is in your We group today?

 

Ego wants it to be just ME

Ego wants to desperately survive and be all important and to not share Me with anyone or at least only if “They” are subjects and admirers.

Or perhaps Ego doesn't trust and so feels it can only survive if it stays isolated as an “I am alone” and on my own thought and feeling! This is not only untrue but it is one of the key elements of stinking thinking and character and life wasting Rot.

 

God gave each of us an allowance much like my parents used to give me an allowance for doing certain chores.  How am I spending my allowance is always an important question for me.  Who is or is not on my We team is an important contributor to how I am spending my allowance from God. Everyone's allowance is finite and once it is spent it is spent.

 

The idea of oneness suggests everyone is in my we group.  I am a human within the human population of the world and thus WE share the world and are all part of it at this moment in forever.   If we were to go back say 2500 years ago or for that matter a week ago the we of the human race was quite different. Humans have been added and subtracted moment to moment so the we is in constant change within the  motion Lau Tzu describes as “Returning and Yielding”.

 

At another level of we it is who I am sharing a particular space and time and relationship with. If I am in a car with 4 other people we are a we at that moment and if the car runs out of gas WE have a problem together and a shared we experience. As soon as we get gas and reach our destination the we may now be just a shared memory of the past .

We;  family for instance. There may be some in your family you don’t feel very close to and the we only means some kind of shared blood relationship . On the other hand there is often a close bond and comradely with some members of our family. Outsiders can not really become a part of this we in the sense of blood relationship but perhaps they can become part of our family with other shared bonds. Humans have a we bond with their parents and siblings (alive of dead) as there has been much shared experience and feelings one way and another.
Our human nature longs for a loving we experience with our blood family and in particular with our parents. Ego wants to be admired and loved and supported and if it doesn't get that it rebels and feels abandoned and rejected and alone; or we try and latch into another  co-dependent relationship to replace our lost family. 

 

Ego sometimes says fine! Screw you >>>. Its me against the world! When we take that attitude into our day (or our life)  the world spits back and the isolation and aloneness becomes a self created reality. Alcoholism is often called the loneliest disease as it creates this aloneness and isolation to sponsor the relief that alcohol gives to the tortured lonely mind.

 

Assholism is a disease on its own and it is just alcoholism without the alcohol. So many so called non alcoholics can suffer from Assholism. We all can break out into the symptoms of Assholism in our mind or actions from time to time.  The problem often is that we don’t know what we don’t know.  We may be sending out an aura of defensiveness and resistance and not know it. We think we are nice guys who others just don’t understand or that we are just unlucky in life and life relationships.

Conversely sometimes we can get a grandiose distortion of our reality and impact on others .  We collect “right points “ as we go through our day. Of course often our ego thinks that for me and it to be right it means we must prove you to be wrong.  Matching and bettering are two forms of our ego trying to collect some additional right points. If you tell me a story I have to tell you a better one from my story inventory.

The difference between an enlightened person and an ignorant person is that the enlightened person knows he Is ignorant.  Ignorance can be a blind spot and because we often only look through the window of self-centeredness we fail to see what others see about us.  Good and bad.  Our filters only see what our ego wants us to see or thinks it sees.

For me this is one of the great benefits of regular meditation, as insights and thoughts seem to come from NOWHERE >>>>>> i.e   “no-where” >>> to “now – here.”  Doing steps four and five six and seven every so often and step 11 every day, provides additional insights and clarity for what follows the words I am _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ??

 

We in AA  can mean the we that is at a particular meeting or a conference. At that moment in time there is a we in the space and anyone who is not there is not  part of the we of the experience. However there is a “We” associated with an AA group that extends beyond the physical proximity of the now. If you are a member and have signed the book you are in fact a part of the we and are eligible to say that word as a member of the group. We may say in our group or when Ego wants to feel important it might even say my group.

 

So then there is another level of We which is that circle of people we feel bonded with and whom we feel are “On my side” or I may also feel I am on their side. This ought to include a sponsor or a mentor, and a person who is on their side. I have had a sponsor and a spiritual mentor with whom I would have little or no contact with for lengthy periods. When I would think of them I would still know that if I called or we got together we would be WE instantly and even with physical separation we were still a we team of bonded brothers.   This we of personal compassion and bond is also one of constant change and motion. There may be a small group of individuals I feel particularly bonded with today and of course this group can become larger and smaller at any point in time. When a newcomer comes to a meeting and shares they are in trouble and need’s help I can almost observe the compassion and I most certainly feel a bond of we with that person in my instinct to help, out of the human bonds of love and oneness.

On the other hand whenever I feel thoughts of judgment, resentment, competition or criticism either against me, or me against others,  the we diminishes and separation is created.

I hear people say and sometimes I catch myself feeling like just being isolated or alone. This is the ego trying to protect itself out of fear .

Ego likes to put a large number of other people in the ”they” category. If I have an attitude that you are either on my team or you are automatically on the other team then you are part of my They.  I am sure that doesn't worry you but it sure as hell ought to worry me.

 

I have had the great experience a few times in life of feeling a deep team “we” feeling; A couple of times in sports when younger ; a few times in work situations where there was a true team with a common goal and deep respect and team bonds who won or lost as a group.  I have had this great we team experience in my aa life. I have felt it with sponsors, sponsies, and aa groups I belonged to. From the very start I have felt it with AA as a whole. I felt this wonderful we bonded feeing of having bonds to millions of people most of whom I have not met. I have travelled and found almost instant we support and mutual love with other members all over North America and at world conferences.

 

One of the most important and fulfilling we feelings is to feel one with this mystical force of creation in the universe. I feel this we and in synchronization with this force each time I witness an unexplainable God-Incident and realize that this was not just chance or a random set of conditions coinciding but a part of a Devine creation of space and time coming together.  I have often thought this when attending an AA meeting. That group of humans in that configuration will never come together in the same place at the same time and the exact experience will never happen again >.. ever!. no human power could create or recreate the exact configuration and the exact outcomes and meaning that occurs in that hour. You have to be there and conscious to be part of that co-incident creation. If there are 20 people there and we could track their lives from birth to that meeting the number of incident events and experiences that brought them there to that coincident event is mind boggling. We can either believe those trillions of experiences and thoughts and actions had been totally random chance or we can believe they are just a part of a more grand and Devine order that has coincided to create yet more and shared now's  and healing amongst those present.

 

So I leave you and this blog today with that question I started with.

Who is in your WE group today? I hope I am!  You are in mine.

 

such is the truth.

Bill

"that which we focus on EXPANDS Focus on the GOOD"

"Is bigger better?" "NO!"

   Many  of us ego centric neurotic individuals, particularly male, at times ask; "Is bigger better?".  Most of us really don't want a definitive answer and only ask that question out of fear.  

   In today's thinking I have asked that question with the word "bigger" being synonymous with "larger, higher, more, etc." and it has absolutely no underlying sexual overtones.  Today it more speaks of do I become a "zealot, over achiever, beyond normal person".

   In the past 3 days I have had to be uncomfortable in life as a result of some form of flu, 36 hour type.  All the standard feelings; headache, cramping, soreness, etc.".  It was my choice to lead an exercise group which I do each Saturday.  This effort was created and exists today as a workout for me and for those that want to join in "gratis".
   
   While it is true that I conduct this weekly workout for myself a small part of me hopes and believes that others will indeed benefit from its existence.  I therefore conduct the exercise program to a very high degree of correctness and effort.  During this weeks session I was faced with the choice, a conscious choice of either conduct myself at this session in the highest fashion as always or to allow my malfunctioning body set the pace and tone.  First things first.  I allowed myself to move to the rear of the workout and let and healthy functioning person to conduct the workout.

   As the leader put us through her workout I did acknowledge that my body wanted to be cautious, it did want to set its on pace and flow and that I needed to allow it do what it knew naturally.  

   The thought zipped through my head that "bigger" aka. higher, stronger, etc. was the way, my spirit said; "no, just relax and let the inherent spirit of Life direct this workout for you".  As a result I was able to do the workout completely, correctly and in consonance with all in attendance.  My energy "qi" was able to flow at the amplitude and level required to effect the correct energy flow desired from the workout.

   At the end of the hours workout I felt great.  I was not totally healed yet I was energized to a level that made me aware of how much I liked paying attention to my Spirit when I heard the answer that essentially said; "no, bigger aka, stronger higher, faster" was not better.  The attached "qi gong" short video is offered in an effort to share the way of "less or small is better" as I know it today.

   You would think that simple age old philosophical question would have been answered for me long ago.  Maybe I was not listening.  Could be. Has happened before.  

Love and light
richard

Congruence in any fashion is, well, hard !

     Congruence has not always been an understood word in my vocabulary.  For so many decades I used the word in so many way, which were not all right.  I just had no clue what the word meant.  Neither the definition or the intent of the word meant anything in my life.

   Of course I should have noted that this word "congruent" was popping up in many forms in math situations.  Same size and shaped stuff, they were said to be in congruence. No. No impact at all on my life.  A "numba" is just a "numba".  Congruent or congruence did nothing for me.

   On entering this 12 step recovery program I was urged; directed; told; ordered to "walk my talk".  Fine.  I would be quiet.  If I did not espouse nor articulate nor pontificate then I did not have to "walk my talk".  Oh yeah, for those that know me at all.   I am going to be quiet?  For how long?  One of my early sponsors mused out loud one evening at our home group meeting that; "if you ever shut up you will blow up".   I have literally taken him at his word for the last 40 years.  After all, he died happy, joyous and free, a winner.  So I guess walking my talk became a goal for life, one spirited moment after another.

     Nearly 20 years ago, once again my nemesis in life, aka. "Little ole' lady" popped up from her knitting during a meeting and stabbed me in the heart with her pointed finger and sizzling words of; "you need to learn to live a congruent life!"  Right.  Go back to your knit one pearl two and leave me alone I mumbled.  Goofy ole' lady, what the hell does she mean congruent life?  I am supposed to be the same shape or size as someone else?  Nut cake.

     It only took me nearly 3 months of letting the nut cakes words ferment in my brain before I hit the dictionary.  Hmmm, "...matching or in agreement with something" was one of the listed definitions".  Let's see, "walk your talk" vs "matching or in agreement with something".  Wow, the nut cake was divinely inspired to give me the same message I had gotten 20 years earlier.  It would appear that the God of my understanding either had a sense of humor and loved to have nut cakes (ie. Little ole' ladys) babble at me or IT was once again giving me a thought that I could not get for myself.  

     It was at this time in my life that I began a serious attempt to bring my actions into line with the underlying principles of the originally written 12 steps.  It was also at this time in my life that my life took on new shape, new dynamics, new forms or joy and happiness and most of all a new direction spiritually.  I was on the precipice of growing up and maturing.  Not bad for 50+ years old eh?  

     Today the word congruent and its form of congruence play a large part in my living process.  It has taken a huge amount of attention to life details, honesty at a level I had never practiced, learned compassion, patience which I never knew existed and Love that I have found deep within me.  All of these traits were there all my life, I just did not know them.  I have had the ability to live a congruent life since I was born.  I had never been taught how.  

     I was capable of "walking my talk" for decades, I just did not know I was supposed to.  Just for today I am conscious of that Power Greater than myself that; "...resides deep within me" and I know that IT is what gives me the momentary ability to "walk my talk" and in fact live a congruent life.

     Today I am most grateful for all of those "little ole' ladies" that loved me so much that they would indeed be my nemesis throughout my tenure in this wonderful fellowship.

Love and light
richard

     
    
    

Living serenely = congruency

                                                  


   
     

"The best of two philosophies or I can have my cake and eat it too"

   Well now.  As a child I have no religious training nor spiritual guidance that I can remember.  I suspect learning to bow down to ETOH in any form would qualify for something, not sure what.  For those not certain, ETOH is also known as alcohol; the king of the additives.  Legal, lethal, all pervading throughout life and your body, just plain old alcohol.

   When I came into recovery I embraced a "God of my understanding" even though I did not in any manner understand anything.  But, what the heck they (the recovered people) said it was; "...indispensable to my recovery".  So God it is.  Then I was told to learn to pray.  Yeah.  Ok.  Pray for what?  I had been praying for 20 years to something to save my ass, never happened.  And now I should be praying for, well, who knows.

   After a few years in recovery or at least not drinking, I was privileged to meet an angel who chided me to try "sincere prayer"!  Why whatever was she saying.  I was still the; "now I lay me down to sleep thing" and now I should be "sincere".  I mean I was only trying to work on understanding and forgiveness of my now deceased father who abused us all.  I mean with a God how hard can that be?  On to better and bigger things.

    After another 15 or 16 years in ahhh recovery? I had graduated to meditating, praying without ceasing and even untold more.  My biggest mistake as I look back was ignoring the guidance and or answers from this God of my understanding.  That is a no no I found out.  At 21 years of being dry in between serene sober moments I found out it was all or nothing, 100% into God or get out.  God did not seem to mind but my psyche was like flip flopping all over the joint.  So do something 100 % in each present moment was gonna be the ticket.

   It was then that I met my first Unitic by the name of June.  I was again privileged to help bring her to some stable recovery and she drug me off by the nape of the neck to Unity.  That is philosophy number one.  Fits really really really well with 12steps.  Proffers everything I know about metaphysics.  Leaves NO ONE out.  My kinda stuff.  Divinity abounding with recovery people all over. Yep.  This was it, and still is.  My number one spiritual philosophy still comes to me from Unity.  However, there is that clause in the New Testament something about; "...will be added unto you". So here comes philosophy number 2.

   Having never ever had any training nor exposure to philosophies or even a religion I was again privileged by the Grace of God to be introduced to the Catholic, pronounced "Cat-hol-ic" religion via the 7AM mass.  Well now, I was like lost.  I don't know nothing about genuflecting, kneeling or the other required machinations.  I am not really huge on ritual, well, the Lords Prayer after EVERY meeting might be one, or a chocolate donut with every glass of milk another.  I will say that I do like the singing, very cool and the devotion that most show.  I can get into that.

   Being a teacher of disciplines such as taichi and qi gong usually has me thinking devotion, discipline, want, desire, and any other words I don't know yet.  So discipline and devotion in a church is good for me.  Yet, "no rules just right" is also very cool.  I am now blessed with a Sunday morning that is very much disciplined and ritualized, although I am the only heathen in the place and ends with me hugging a priest who goes into shock.  Then it is a hop skip and a jump over to my Unity home where I get to hug anything that moves.  I got to hear a "homily" in the first and a "lesson" in the second.

   Man o man.  I truly have been given a unique set of spiritual guidance for now, just for now, that I think is like the best of both worlds.  And I do feel blessed at being able to "have my cake and eat it too" when I comes to philosophies that may and should increase my joy in life.

Love and light
Richard

Black and White or Shades of Gray?

   In past months I have been trying to bring a few trains of thinking together as one.  I mean, well isn't it good to be of "one Mind"?  For some reason this molding of thoughts is just not working.

    I have that train of thinking which I endeavor to stay in while acting within the constraints of "my program" aka.  "The Program".  That set of thinking has evolved to be pretty much black and white.  I either do or I don't.  I either drink or I don't.  I either believe in God or I don't.  I either love or I don't.
I either am or I am not.  Yup, pretty much black and white.  Mind you, this style of thinking at times is really not easy given a present moment.

    For example; I think, feel and express love for my loved ones.  There is no doubt in my collective thinking that I do not love them  Given emotional make-up or life circumstances in a moment I have had thoughts of less that "pure love".  It usually is something like; "grrrrrrrrrrrr "They...".  Love DOES NOT think like that.  A neurotic dis-eased human can though.  Black and white?  Nope.  Several shades of gray in all that thinking.

   The thinking that goes along with my teaching of taichi or qi gong should also be black and white.  Either I am dealing in "my energy" or I am not.  This can be such a trap for me.  While teaching am I into my energy or assessing (aka. judging others) efforts?  Dangerous thinking for a recovering neurotic of my flavor.  A set of thinking I really make and effort to stay away from.  I teach, they learn.  That's it.  They learn right or they learn wrong.  For me that works.

    While putting together the thoughts for this blog item it came to me that "black and white" thinking really is possible.  The trick is for me to stay firmly and fondly fixed in the Present Moment.  There can only be one thought in one moment at one time.  While the brain is so fast I am still dealing in a single event or a single Present Moment.

    Today at my Home Group we read a passage from "Around the Year" by Dr. Emmet Fox that spoke of; "...be ye therefore perfect as your Father in heaven is...".  I came to understand that this can occur in ONLY once instance, a Present Moment.  When I am in "constant contact" with God on a given moments basis, I am indeed "Perfect" spiritually and yessss, indeed into single thinking of a black and white nature.

    God is...I Am.  Two thoughts which are in balance and just for me represent the best of single mind or "black and white" thinking.  I don't really need to reformat my trains of thinking, just pay attention to the present moment and go with "what comes naturally".

    What say you readers?

Love and light

richard

So just how do I know...?

     In my quest for living a healthy life through 12 Steps I have at times had to make some serious, adult, downright scary decisions.  Not for the feint at heart type of decisions.  Most of the time I can make the decision based on based occurrences or possibly counsel with others that know of my problem.  The hard part for me is what follows that decision.  How do I know I made or am making the right decision?

     Almost always my doubting my decision comes down to believing more in myself than the Higher Self of Me.  The little "me" has a lack confidence many times.  The "Higher Me" seems always to be confident.  It seems that I should take the "Higher Self" into all thought processes, especially those that involve decisions.

     I have satisfactorily demonstrated to myself that when I take the time and make the effort to get quiet or "still" and look inside of me for the Power Within, that  I most always hear exactly what I need to live life and make sound logical decisions.  Getting quiet or meditating is absolutely essential to the process.

     I call this entire process the "knowing" process.  I cannot just live on the idea of thinking, believing, having faith or guessing what life is about.  I do best when I "know" what "Life" is doing in my life.  My best guidance for this comes from the Old testament; "be still and know I Am is God" says the poet and Psalmist.  Be still or be quiet has been the spiritual answer throughout the ages and is apropos now.

     I can accomplish this stillness and confidence building process through many means such as meditation, prayer or writing.  When  I do follow this process it is amazing what confidence and strength I am rewarded with.  It is also amazing at what depth of thinking and realization comes during this quieting process.

     In this quieting mode of life I begin to know and accept what is manifesting in my thought world.  A simple act of quietness allows me to "know" just "know" what is correct and right.  "Knowing" is a deeper more profound feeling than a simple awareness of right or wrong.  Knowing is at the depth of soul the very heart of me.  It is the very essence of me becoming One with the One.  That is where good, sound decisions are made for me.  I know this to be true.

Love and light,

richard

From; "The book of Chester, sacred text"

"The Knowing"

: The knowing is not the thoughts :
: The knowing is not the feelings :
: The knowing is not the body :
: The knowing is not the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found beyond the thoughts :
: The knowing is found without the feelings :
: The knowing continues when the body does not :
: The knowing trancends the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found within :
: The knowing is sometimes forgotten :
: The knowing is never gone :
: The knowing is for you to find :
: :
: The knowing is what you are :
: The knowing is where you have been :
: The knowing is where you are going :: The knowing is knowing you know :



   

Cold water; oh yeah I dislike it, but...

     While at the beach (Gulf of Mexico), I had the opportunity to "spit" in the face of an old "fear"; of cold water.  I know, that sounds just a little nuts of which many think of me that way already.

     The story; as a child my father tried to teach me and my brother to swim by throwing us out of a rowboat and letting us catch the boat.  Oh my my my!  That was some really cold water.  Oh, did I say the body of water was Lake Erie?  Yeah, really cooooooooooool aka. cold water.

     Next part of the story moves to various hospitals.  Always Catholic hospitals.  As a sickly child I ended up with numerous trips to the hospital for pneumonia or severe allergic reactions.  The nuns always had the idea that an ice bath followed by a hot shower would break a fever.  What it broke was my love for nuns.  It also helped me foster the intense dislike to cold water...especially after a hot shower.

     The final part of this saga is a father who would drag me off to the "Y" to swim with him...freezing cold water in the pool.  Nope, not me.  Into the hot showers I would go and camp out.  I got scolded severely and decided again I did not like cold water of any kind.

     Any time I can face and understand a fear in the past, I open myself up to the potential of ridding myself of that fear.  Just for today I did just that.

     When I arrived at the beach I knew the water temperature was cool....no cold.  It was approximately 61 degrees Fahrenheit.  I love being in the Gulf of Mexico so very much I made up my mind instantly that I would be in that water.  It is also the only body of water I can float in...  A body fat content of -1 doesn't let me float normally.

     As soon as I had laid down my towel I made sure the camera was rolling and I veritably ran head first into the water.  Guess what?  I still don't like cold water!!!
I did roll around.  I did laugh manically.  I did wave at the camera.  (The video is posted below)  I did resolve my fear of cold water.  I will now proceed with a profound respect for cold water.

     I am looking deep within for more old leftover fears that I can confront.  Maybe  I will take on oh...who knows.

Love and light
richard