Saturday, May 21, 2011

"...only a belief in a Power Greater than himself...."

   Usually 2 categories of persons recognize this partial quote from the text Alcoholics Anonymous.

   One is the those  Big Book Thumpers which is a description of those persons who not only study, well after all it is a "text" the Big Book in depth, and they usually do not miss an opportunity to share their wealth of knowledge, down to the colons and semi-colons.  This is also where I should define Big Book.  Yes it is the blue book titled Alcoholics Anonymous, yet when I speak of Big Book Thumpers I usually am speaking of those persons who devote themselves to the first 164 pages of the book.  That is the portion referred to as a text and is the original, well almost original verbiage of the text.

   Second we have those persons in the fellowship that have paid attention only when their sobriety, happiness, or even life is on the line.  Remember, we are speaking of a last ditch effort to resolve or absolve ourselves of some terrible self made problem.  Hmmmm, usually, no, always self made.  This is where fox hole praying seems to be the mode of prayer.  You know, "Dear God, I am desperate, help me and I will (fill in the blank) for you".   Most persons at this stage of sober life seem to inherently understand the word "only".  That means, well, ONLY!.  No room for wheedling or cajoling or deal making.  It is now or never.  Either get it now or get whatever it is you have conjured up for yourself.  God at this point is the ONLY solution.  Wow, think of that, this occurs at the end of the 3rd step.

   Now here is the kicker for those of us that have lonnnnng term non drinking (some even use the word sobriety here).  This position of being between a rock and a hard place and needing Divine Aid immediately, happens to those that don't drink for long times and choose to live their lives just as they want to.  Not as they should using the 12 principles they learned so long ago.  Being human and acting human is a condition that does not go away with time not drinking.

   I don't care how many meetings I have went to, how many persons I have sponsored, how many sponsors I have outlived (7 as of this writing), how many prayers, how many hours of meditation, times of service work, just about any tool of sobriety I have learned, if I live my life in a fearful humanistic manner I am vulnerable to all the consequences of my actions and will once again find myself at this point of; "...once again only a belief in a Power Greater than Myself....".

   Many years ago I had thoughts, ideas and aspirations that I would one day live the life of a, hmmm, totally empowered Divine Creature and wouldn't have to worry about all this insane thinking a neurotic recovering alcoholic is capable of.  Just doesn't work that way at all, it just doesn't.  I am me regardless of that which I feel I have grown out of or to.

   So what have I  found beyond the active 12 Steps that I can use today?  I choose to live at that point of "belief" spoke of in this last para of Chapter 3.  I try to be there in each present moment during each breath.  This ensures that I never have to immediately go to this point depending on my activities of life, I am always there.  Never saw this coming in the beginning of this program life.  It is indeed the exact place I should be at to enjoy life and all that comes with life.  This allows me to set God equal to Life.  Life is Good.

Love and Light,
aka ezduzit777