Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"How would I know"

     When I hear someone say; "..I don't think they are ready for this yet?".  They being a "sponsee" and "this" being a particular part of step work, I often wonder how would they know what is going on in another Mind???

     I have found that just for me; "... I needed to quit playing God..." oh that line has already been immortalized in the Big Book page 62.  As a sponsor or any type of mentor in life, I need to very aware that all persons do not show their life on "their sleeve".  The old adage; "Don't judge a book by its cover" seems to apply here.  Do I think I can divine or glean some sort of inner knowledge that "he or she" is or is not "ready"?  I usually can't keep track of what I am thinking much less what another is thinking.

     It seems that by listening intently more than talking with new people sponsee or not, allows me to share with them on an emotional level.  If I need to do all the talking, if I need to be the one in charge, if I have to be in control, well I am in trouble and they need to find another mentor.

     Dr. Martin Luther King used the words; " at last, free at last, thank God I am free at last.".  If we try to have power or control over others, when will they ever get to utter those words?  And, more importantly when will I get to voice those words just for me?  There have been times in the past recovery years that I in fact would try to, "in the name of recovery and love",  make sure all others around me did things "my way".

     It seems that wherever I am actually trying to be in control of others I never seem to know or admit it. This illness which is characterized as; "...cunning, baffling, and powerful..." is truly at work when this happens to me.  Usually when I start to talk to or report to MY mentor (sponsor), yes at nearly 40 years in this fellowship I still have and still use an active sponsor, does it become noted that I am once again suffering with my illness.....not drinking, but my illness, that underlying insanity of life which is unchecked by the practice of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps.

     So it now comes down to, am I responsible or even supposed to be concerned with others that indicate "they do not think so-n-so is ready?".  I know now that I am responsible for me and how I treat others.  Of course I am also responsible to sharing with others if and only if they reach out.  That reaching can take many forms.  If I am diligent and successful in my prayer life through Step 11 I will know when and if to share my experience, strength and hope with others  Otherwise, just be me and be mindful of what I am doing in life and "...let Him demonstrate through me that which He is capable of..." (BB. page 68).

Love and Light

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Birthday? Anniversary?? Which is it....???? maybe Gods Day....

    Here I Am on the eve of yet another year going let's see, is that birthday or anniversary?  Never ever got a definitive word on this.

   The very old timers I returned to life with loved birthdays.  Time for celebrating, ya know, dinner, cake, meeting, cake and all the family together.  Many times the celebrant would walk into their home group with the whooooole family, including granpa.  What a noise they would make when chips came out.  Zoweeeee.  So I kind of really enjoyed that camraderie and togetherness.  God only knows I never ever had any of it in my young life or even for a large part of my married life when I was a praction-er of my disease process.  Yeah birthdays were cool then.

   Then I fell in with a crowd that was ahhh sophisticated and suave.  You know, hip, slick n cool.  Well now none of the foolishness of "happy, joyous, and free", oh no, we needed to be mature and solid man.  Oh how funny is that in retro-spect.  This crowd patted backs, shook hands, maybe maybe not bought a "annivesary card".  Anniversary?  Yeah.  Truly grown up we were eh?

   Over the next years the event see sawed back and forth....just collect the chip n smile and be grateful.   Never could figure out the birthday/anniversary difference.  Seems like the longer I was around 'the rooms" the more blaise I had become about the event.  Lethargy?  Non-chalant?  Not caring?  No.  Just being focused on life and letting, letting IT run my life.

  There is an earlier blog item ( that details my current feelings about "chips, medallions, etc.)....I call them Pocket Idols in that article.  Still feel that way.  I do believe there is a appropriate manner in which I should allow the world to know that God ("IT") has, does and always be the reason for my success.

   I have no desire these days for a chip or medallion, my home group doesn't even have them.  I have no desire for parties nor open celebrations.  I am so very humbled and grateful that my dear dear friend and past sponsor in Orlando sent me a card once again this year and has for the last 26 years.  I Am absolutely ready to take my lovely wife to dinner and let her shower me with gifts she chooses each year that will enhance or embolden my recovery.  These are what I value today.  These are what I would call "my just desserts" for my efforts.

   So when I awaken tomorrow having been around these rooms of recovery continually since
08 February 1974 I have decided that I am going to celebrate "the day that the Lord has made for me...".  I started my road to recovery learning to live one day at a time and intend to do today and then tomorrow.

   I will also try to think of a loving powerful terse statement for my loving family on Twitter n Facebook....rats, does that connotate a celebration after all???  Need to work some more on this for the next year.

Love and light,

aka ezduzit777 on twitter
and Richard Curtis on Facebook