Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What comes from the mouth starts in the mind!

   In many meetings I hear the term; "...the alcoholic mind...".  Seems to refer to a mind that is not operating correctly yet, one that is still riddled with the effects of the disease we call alcoholism.  That being said, I guess that means that some of what is said and that I hear is probably coming from, well, an alcoholic mind.

   Maybe some of those sharing that seem to need to use profanity or try and have some form of shock value for the rest of us are really speaking from an alcoholic mind?  I mean I remember my 4th grade teacher saying that if we could not express ourselves without profanity then we probably had no idea what we were trying to say.  It is true that at the end of my active addiction that I truly spoke like the "two fisted sailor I was".  Yikes!  I do apologize to anyone who knew me then and can remember what I had to swear about.

   As I moved into longer "non drinking time", not to be construed with "sobriety", definition to follow, I became ever so aware that my language was in fact at many times inappropriate for mixed company such as children and elders which I thought I respected.  Four letter words don't make for a very meaningful conversation at anytime anywhere.  I started to make a conscious effort to see if I could in fact change my learned behavior in my speech and become a ahhhhh adult! What a concept for me.  Current working definition of sobriety is; "...emotional stability which allows spiritual growth.".

   Now many 24 hours later as I sit in the rooms and counsel with others one on one I sometimes hear my old self and frankly I don't really enjoy it.  I am shocked at the number of people who continually need to express themselves using the language of their past active addiction.  This is what they meant by an alcoholic mind.  The mind which has not moved forward.  The mind that is stuck in days of old. The mind that is somewhat infantile and afraid to act like a responsible person.  I am totally aware that for myself and I suspect for others there is absolutely no reason for me to resort to profanity, none.

   I also see a danger, only because I am now living with the results of some of this behavior in speech, in the toll it took on my children.  My children are older now and are raising their children.  I remember not so all along ago though that I was hearing those four letter words out of their mouth.  I used to hide my head and tell myself it was "those other kids" that was influencing them.  Wrong.  It was me.  Not a good example was I at many times.  While I truly regret that influence on them, I know that it is theirs to correct if it still a habit with them. I cannot correct that in them.  Nor can I correct that in anyone around me in or out of the meetings.  I am allowed and responsible to at times to bring it to others attention if it is offending me.  Then I trust I will have; "...the courage to change the things I can...".

   So when the noose of life slips tight like a perceived bad day, a driver cuts me off, my check bounces, lost or stolen money, you name it, some situation that I really don't like comes along, I try to change my spots.  Oh by the way, scientists declare that leopards DO IN FACT change their spots as they grow older.  That's for me.  The two fisted drunken sailor wants to be accepted as a whole, holy person.  That is my goal.  Be accepted for what I am in this present moment.  Do I have moments of momentary slipping back into old self?  Of course.  I may be good and I may have been born on Christmas Day, I am in fact still a human struggling to be "all I can be".  It says on page 62 at the bottom of the page that; "God is our Father".  Guess that not only gives me the right to act as a child of God, it gives me the task to act as that child; " all my affairs."

Love and Light


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

and now xx years later, still a buck huh?

     It would seem that a portion of my recovery has in fact stood still in time while the rest was in progression.  That part would be the "prosperity of my life".  I have pushed, pulled, slogged and fought my way through "lack of prosperity thinking" which was created all during my childhood and developing years.  I was the kid who loaned his mother, a single mom raising two boys, money at 5% in 1952.  Yeah lack of prosperity has been a nemesis.

     It seems that a buck, you know, one silver dollar, coin of the realm was the going price of sobriety when I came to this fellowship.  I cannot ever remember for the lonnnnnngest time in this program ever going to a meeting and not putting $1.00 dollar in the basket.  That was my "duty".  Those persons I saw putting more, whether that was $2 or $3 dollars more, well, they were older, longer in the program and it was their responsibility to take care of this fellowship.  Whoa.  Why does that now sound so self serving and selfish?  Probably because it was selfish and still would be if true now.

     It appears that our economy in the world has grown in some proportion since the beginning of my recovery yet my "free will donation" had not ever changed.....still a buck. Somehow I never saw the need for "me" to be the supportive one of the very thing that helped save my life, my fellowship.  It was always someone else job, not mine.

     Some years ago I witnessed an Intergroup that went defunct because to many people in to many groups felt it was "someone else's job" to donate their fair share.  So many of us just thought it was someone else's job.  Not sure why we let the Intergroup go down the drain.  No mistakes in the Universe eh?  After the demise of that Intergroup my sponsor and I talked a lot of who is the keeper of this fellowship.  We chaired a lot of meetings on this subject.  I began to understand that I was responsible for my portion of the fellowship.....if I wanted it to be here forever then I needed to do my part.

     Just for today I am active as much as possible.  I also began many years ago to scale up my "donation" so that it reflects a change in my consciousness and reflects a change in prosperity through recovery.  I do not mean "tithing" or any manner of giving such as that.  I simply try to assess what it is I have as a result of this fellowship and what would I like to give to to help back to my fellowship.  As compared to some it is small, yet it is a huge effort on the part of a person who at one had a "total lack of prosperity thought process".  I have come a long way baby!!!

    Once again I am given the opportunity to be the example, being the lesson.  Many see what I "put in the basket" and their eyebrows go up.  Sometime later we notice their donation has also increased......ahhhh "...courage to change the things I can..." myself and maybe others by my demonstration.

Much of our literature was driven by scripture in the early days of this fellowship.  This subject of  "just a buck in the basket" seems to remind me that: " I give so I receive...".  We are urged in our early program involvement to "give freely of that which was so freely given to us...", why can that not apply to our donation per meeting?  It just does though, it just does.  thatThe miracle of all this is that this "conscious thinking of prosperity" within the program has definitely filtered over in all of my life, and I am just tickled with that.  It is a privilege to be able to give of my "time, talent, and treasure" in all my affairs.

Just a buck huh?  Nope, not today.

Love and Light,


PS:  feel free to respond in any manner and I you would like I will respond to you.....