Friday, February 25, 2011

Tip of the Iceberg? Hmmmm

   In my early years growing up I had heard the expression; "...this is just the tip of the iceberg.".  Wasn't really sure about that until a little later in life in science in school.  Ok, 1/7th showing, rest submerged and not seen.  That made sense to my young active scientific mind.  When it came to the expression representing something other than actual icebergs I was kinda without a clue.
   Then came the horrible time we are supposed to begin to mature, mmmm around 11 years old for me.  I had began a nearly lifelong trait of sidestepping anything I needed to resolve any form of emotional concern in my life.
   I would see a problem, the whole world would see my problem.  What I also began to see was the problem was way worse than anyone else could see.  Hence, the 6/7ths of the problem under the surface and dangerous.  This is the point in my life I discovered alcohol could hide even the 6/7ths of the problem.  Magic eh?  Well not really.
   After suffering a real dose of "self" for nearly 21 years, the forces of life dictated it was time to quit using alcohol as an escape route.  That was good right?  No.  Now I would have to start looking at and working on all these problems that were being noticed by the world around me, remember the 1/7th has shown all these years, and now I had to tackle the 6/7ths, a task I at first was not up for nor equipped to handle.
   I had anethesised my way through all the horrors of puberty, adolesence, and the normal teenage maturing process.  I was a 11 year old child in a 32 year old body.  I had problems that should have been dealt with 20 years hence and they all were lurking deep within me.....the 6/7ths syndrome I nicknamed it.
   Through diligent and repeated use of the principles of the original 12 Steps I was able, with a lot of inside and outside help to attack these problems one by one.  Dredging up the entire 6/7ths of a character defect is just not for the feint at heart, especially when they normally dealt with those fun subjects as; sex, drugs n rock n roll.  Or at least one out of three.
   Compounding these Herculean efforts was one of my other lifelong characteristics of dishonesty.  I had graduated to the point of telling lies when the truth would have been more in my favor.  That my friends is in fact crazy.  Yep.  That was me.  When I and all the newfound help I was receiving would look at one of these 6/7th problems, my honesty factor would shy away and stand back and tell me; "your on your own here.". At times I referred to my EGO as "chicken".
   All this soul baring is leading me to say that after lonnnnng term participation, 37 years to be exact, and lots and lots and lots and lots of work on the inside of me, I now find, well you guessed it.  A few more subjects  that are in fact 6/7ths of the problem and the other 1/7 is still showing. Doesn't this process ever stop?  Are there more and new icebergs created every day?  For me it appears to be a natural process.  One I must recognize and become friendly with.
   Today I make all efforts to haul those 6/7ths "things" up on the table one piece at a time, or as much as I can handle.  I still need and use all the help inside and outside I can get.  I have decided to quit being my own hero and asking for and receiving help is the way I do that.  I must admit that the crowd of "icebergs" hanging around inside of me is getting smaller and smaller in number.  I am reminded that it was not a very large iceberg that sank the Titanic but more a exquisitely  placed one just in the right spot.  Seems like "icebergs" go for quality as opposed to quantity after awhile.
   I have decided that this 1/7th idea also applies to the "Love" deep within me.  I hold that Love to be synonymous with the God of my understanding, or higher power.  You and all the world may see only the "tip of the iceberg' but I see the remaining 6/7ths through meditation and contemplation.  It is the process which is the saving grace of me today.  I put enormous efforts into displaying as much of the 6/7ths of my Love outside as I can.  There are even moments that I am able to show or manifest the entire pure love of me outside.  I call those moments sober. Whoops that sounds like I am off into another subject.  Will work on that article for a couple of days.
   Just think, when you see someone being what you think of as mad, sad, angry, upset and most of all fearful, you are probably seeing only the tip of the iceberg.  Conversely, if you feel and see Love from another human being then the 6/7ths of Love deep within them is something you may want to explore and dig after.  It is worth it.  Imagine a whole iceberg of Love.....sounds good to me.

Love and Light,

Friday, February 18, 2011

Doesn't everyone have one?

When I first came around this way of life I was certainly a puffed up EGO attached to some form of humanity.  I was a sometimes intellectual that knew nothing.  A member of the US Navy at that time, I was told in yearly evaluations that I could in  fact; "...leap tall buildings, etc.".  I actually believed that stuff about me.  Why not?  It served my EGO well.

After a few and I mean a few 24 hours in recovery which by the way "recovery" was defined as; "just not drinking", I was introduced to what I know today as "The Big Book".  That living, loving,  evolving compilation of early program thoughts which I now see as a basis or way of life.  When I first was handed this "text" I was told to read; "The Doctors Opinion".  I did. So what?  Who needed all that really old medical thought and idea?  All I needed was a way to get better and live.  Who needed knowledge.  I knew so little.

I was convinced I had an "opinion" also and yet no one wanted to hear my opinion.  I was the only expert around on me and maybe or maybe not I had incorporated Dr. Silkworth's thoughts and ideas but then that was my opinion.  This was a precarious time in my life.  I almost thought myself right out of existence.

I am truly thankful to whatever force in Life there is for people who actually knew more about me than I did.  They were operating from experience and understood what I was going through and what I needed to do to survive myself.

Today I know that yes of course I have opinions and thoughts and ideas that are valid in many many areas of my life.  I also know that others have the same opinions, thoughts and ideas which are based on their life experiences.  I have made a practice to share my opinions as Dr. Silkworth did without fear, hesitation or doubt.

All of this thinking was wound up in such things as self worth, self reflection, self patience, in fact, tied up in me and how to make me well again.  This was a hard hard lesson to learn and believe in when you think yours is the only opinion around that matters.

Today things are different than then and I am grateful for that.  So just for today my opinion is that we all have one and I am willing to listen to yours and it doesn't matter is your listen to mine, it is mine and no one else's.  I have also come to find that within me and all others that there is a infinite amount of thoughts and ideas that will  be and should  be expressed for me to continue to grow.

I never suspected at that first reading of "The Doctors Opinion" that there would be so many great opinions I was to hear that went far beyond anything I had ever thought of.  I am even delighted today to hear and share opinions from all of humanity, not just people within the tiny realm I call "recovery".

Is there more than the steps?  Of course.

Love and Light,


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Is there more than the Steps? Of course...

This blog is dedicated to sharing what I have experienced in over 35 years of recovery using the original 12 Step Program and many other thoughts and ideas which were presented to me by The Universe.

In the beginning of my recovered life I like so many thought that the 12 Steps were going to be all that I ever studied or would diligently work with.  As it turned out, those that came before me in these recovery programs left a rich legacy of many things that I was to learn if I would only be "open and receptive" to new thoughts and ideas.

As we move forth in this blogging/sharing effort I hope that many of you will also share your experience, strength and hope with all that read this column.  In particular those items that you have brought into your life to enrich and enlarge your spiritual basis of life.

There will be many that will think that this blog/sharing is not true or even more pointed words than that.  To them I say; "please get a blog and have at it."  You all are strongly encouraged to share on this blog within the guidelines and parameters set forth in the blog rules.

Ok, that's it. The next blog entry will contain thoughts and ideas of what was the very first item that hit my mind that would challenge my "Big Book Thumping Head"......

Love and Light,