Sunday, November 27, 2011

"Sponsee's come n go yet their love remains forever!"

     As an active member of this 12 Step fellowship I do and have sponsored many many persons.....especially after nearly 4 decades of being here.  I have seen many come and go and I remember each and every one of them.

     Time is moving along in life and many of my sponsees are older and are even having grandchildren or great grandchildren.  It is such a privilege to watch them grow and become so open, free and happy in life.  Of course this also means that many of them are getting to age as I am that maybe our days on earth are waning.  I feel that a terribly big great part of me moves along when one of them makes their transition.

    Over the years I become so close to my sponsees that I feel a great loss and do have the need to grieve their passing.  I am so privileged to have a 12 Step program to do this in.  The impact is somewhat abated and life is a little easier.  These feelings are totally different from those of a sponsor passing away.

     All 8 of my past sponsors have been an intricate part of my life.  I held and hold them all in very high esteem.  They were and are gentlemen and gentle men.  Of the 8 there are I think 4 still living I think.  These men gave so much of themselves to me over the years and I trust I will never forget that.  That is why I try to give it all back to my sponsees.

     For my loving friend and sponsee Bette who appears to be in her final transition I can only think of the phrase we spoke of so much and felt so deeply about..."...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for thou art with me."  My life has been so enriched for the last 16 years of your 34 years in this fellowship.  You have made my life seem just a little more complete.  It is said; "love and be loved", you dear Bette are the epitome of that philosophy.  As I travel to say goodbye to you Tuesday I bring a message of ITS eternal love for you.  I just pray that I can find the words and  feelings to let you know this.

Love and Light,

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

" I was told, "Bring your dreams to the program!", I did and I am glad"

     Early in recovery before I could really state what I wanted in life, I kept hearing this phrase; "bring your dreams to the program".  I had since long ago given up dreaming for anything other than to get out of trouble and stop being in pain most of the time.  I dreamed of being, well, normal.  I did not know what that meant, yet i wanted to be that.  I just wanted to be happy, I think.  Being a little neurotic and a lot of afflicted I am not sure exactly what I was thinking.

     After some time I started to build a list in my head of things I wanted to be or to do or to experience.  Standard list for a 40 year old male, 8 years in recovery, above average intelligence.  You know.  Be a formula one driver, be a movie star with Bruce Lee.  Some would think that I had the emotions and desires of a 14 year old.  Why not?  I stopped developing emotionally at age 11 when I started my road to addiction.  When I came to recovery it seems that is where I picked back up emotionally.  My children could not understand why sometimes I was into the same things and they were at their ages.  After they read this they will know.

     Moving ahead in recovery my inherent core beliefs and values started emerging and became part of my every day life.  I was mildly surprised to find out I had such a good set of morals and internal compass to follow.  Little by little I started to accomplish what the Taoist believe as; "return to that which you were"...

     Today some 4 decades later I have adopted a thinking  process in the Present Moment which allows and encourages me to dream, with moderation of course.  I have given myself permission to want and appreciate the gifts that The Spirit of Life will shower me with.  In fact yesterday I was able to live out one of my dreams aka "bucket list".

     Having lived and traveled in Italy I love and appreciate good Italian food.  One of our dear dear friends is a trained chef which specializes in Italian cuisine and especially The Tuscan region.  She was able to come to one of our local culinary academies and teach a class on Traditional Tuscan cooking.  Ohhh yeahhhh, I was in the front row.  For a small price I was able to learn so much in a 2 hour class it was surprising to me.  Did you know that 25 year old balsamic vinegar costs about $200 per bottle and is so sweet and heavy you can drizzle it over fresh cut strawberries......yummmmmm.  We all had a truly wonderful time and our friend turns out to be a natural teacher and very smooth educator.  I would love to become a chef and teach as she does.  What a gift and what a  fun way to make people happy and sustain a prosperous life.

     I had a dream and that dream became manifest in Reality one day at a time.  I trusted The Divine to bring to me that which IT feels is for me to have or do and It responded in kind.  Am I truly blessed?  Oh yeah and more.  I am looking forward to whatever "The Source" decides I need to do to once again to satisfy at least one more item on my "wish list" aka "bucket list".  Who knows, maybe it will be ice cream for breakfast.....oh oh, I already do that.

Love and Light,

richard aka
ezduzit777 on twitter