As an active member of this 12 Step fellowship I do and have sponsored many many persons.....especially after nearly 4 decades of being here. I have seen many come and go and I remember each and every one of them.
Time is moving along in life and many of my sponsees are older and are even having grandchildren or great grandchildren. It is such a privilege to watch them grow and become so open, free and happy in life. Of course this also means that many of them are getting to age as I am that maybe our days on earth are waning. I feel that a terribly big great part of me moves along when one of them makes their transition.
Over the years I become so close to my sponsees that I feel a great loss and do have the need to grieve their passing. I am so privileged to have a 12 Step program to do this in. The impact is somewhat abated and life is a little easier. These feelings are totally different from those of a sponsor passing away.
All 8 of my past sponsors have been an intricate part of my life. I held and hold them all in very high esteem. They were and are gentlemen and gentle men. Of the 8 there are I think 4 still living I think. These men gave so much of themselves to me over the years and I trust I will never forget that. That is why I try to give it all back to my sponsees.
For my loving friend and sponsee Bette who appears to be in her final transition I can only think of the phrase we spoke of so much and felt so deeply about..."...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for thou art with me." My life has been so enriched for the last 16 years of your 34 years in this fellowship. You have made my life seem just a little more complete. It is said; "love and be loved", you dear Bette are the epitome of that philosophy. As I travel to say goodbye to you Tuesday I bring a message of ITS eternal love for you. I just pray that I can find the words and feelings to let you know this.
Love and Light,
richard
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Humility is ___!
This may once again be one of the most nebulous words not only in the 12 Step fellowships, but any spiritually motivated gathering. To grasp this thought, feeling or concept may be a life endeavor and probably will be for persons of my ilk. Or, "crash, bam, alla kazam, out of an orange colored sky" the realization could come in a present moment. To even write about this word seems like I am being falsely humble. Tough concept I think.
When I first entered these rooms of recovery I smugly held that I knew quite well what this "humility" thing was all about. After all I was a humble dude most all of the time, or so I thought. I was to find in the upcoming decades of recovery that I had a lot to learn. An awfully lot to learn. And, maybe even more to un-learn. I had been given quite a few lessons in life by my "tribe" and probably none of them fit well with the idea of being humble. This thing, "humiity" is one of the largest most life changing concepts I was to grapple with and is far and wide bigger and bolder than anything I could think of greater in scope that the 12 Steps. In fact it is entirely possible as I look at it now, that the 12 Steps are actually merely stepping stones to humility and at the least a mechanism for us to start manifesting that natural spirit of Life we all have and truly want to be.
So all this background brings me to the big question. What is, how is, this thing called humility? I honestly may not be able to articulate this.....hmmm, is that false spiritual pride? Maybe. Ok. Yes, on many occasions I feel totally devoted to and 100% a part of the Spirit of Life which is what I call God or "IT". My, my, my, I actually said it out loud in public and am still standing.....amazing. Feels pretty good. In all seriousness, I have been guided to not really speak of this subject much . It kind of had a hush hush feeling to it. The kind of subject and discussion one would have in the back corners of an abbey somewhere. Now days, I am very happy to speak out loud of my God, She, He, IT is firstt in my life and should be a huge part of my thinking, speaking and writing at the appropriate moments, like now.
At one time I was asked by a young sponsee one time how he could begin to demonstrate the qualities of humility and loving kindness. My answer to him was; "love God more than yourself". Good thinking and just maybe the exact course I should take each present moment of my life today. Love IT (God) more than I love myself.
I make the distinction here that I am speaking of the ego "self" or personality "self". That portion of me which seems to want to always interfere with my progress in achieving "God consciousness or Self Realization". I normally refer to this portion of my existence as "the little me, the little i, or little self". Everything else is capitalized and reserved for IT. Oh oh, did I just start the premise of "duality"? We will hold that idea for another article. This awareness of the BIG and little me gives me the opportunity to stay awake in the present moment and think just "what" am I serving at the moment. If the present moment decision is that I am "self" serving, the the command is "STOP IT" and love IT more than your "self".
So, bottom line? It would appear that today my own inherent guidance to my young friend; "love God more than yourself" is right on. If I will strive and achieve this relationship as much as possible, I believe I will be portraying, displaying, manifesting or Being the state of being humble. If I am being humble then I can say that I in a present moment have in fact achieved humility.
Do I accomplish the desired relationship of loving IT more than myself all the time? No. Is it possible? I think so. History shows us examples of humans who are thought today of having been "humble". Am I putting myself in that category? Yes. It seems to me that if any human being is demonstrating humility, regardless of Julian Date, then they are all in the same category, they are humble.
Am I being "un-humble" for writing and saying all of the above? Hmmm, wait a minute this is where I started I think. I all humility this may be a great place to end this entry.
Love and Light,
Richard
PS: Catch me live on Dr. Anna Shouse's Unity FM Recovery talk show on 5 April 2011 at 5PM EST
http://unity.fm/program/SpiritOfRecovery
When I first entered these rooms of recovery I smugly held that I knew quite well what this "humility" thing was all about. After all I was a humble dude most all of the time, or so I thought. I was to find in the upcoming decades of recovery that I had a lot to learn. An awfully lot to learn. And, maybe even more to un-learn. I had been given quite a few lessons in life by my "tribe" and probably none of them fit well with the idea of being humble. This thing, "humiity" is one of the largest most life changing concepts I was to grapple with and is far and wide bigger and bolder than anything I could think of greater in scope that the 12 Steps. In fact it is entirely possible as I look at it now, that the 12 Steps are actually merely stepping stones to humility and at the least a mechanism for us to start manifesting that natural spirit of Life we all have and truly want to be.
So as I was meandering through life trying to be spiritual and/or humble I started trying to formulate an idea of what humility was and how did it act or look in me. Yeah. Ok. I had no clue. Then when I started talking about it and asking questions I was told that I may want to check out spiritual pride which is the opposite for I may have been acting out those characteristics. This was going to be one of those life efforts that just wasn't going to be easy. And of course, "...the easier softer way" was my way of life.
One day which probably was really 10 years or so long I made an internal discovery. As I sat in the very best attempt I could at meditating, I began to feel a "...peace that passes all human (my) understanding...!", I was becoming aware of my own Divinity during this time (why are you laughing? aren't we all children of the Most High? Therefore, Divine!) and was truly beginning to like and want more of these interior feelings. The more I gave up of myself the more I felt the Presence of the One and Only Power, God. The shear enormity of what I was discovering was actually overwhelming to me. I had never been big on religion or spirituality and now I was headed for humility? Wow.
So all this background brings me to the big question. What is, how is, this thing called humility? I honestly may not be able to articulate this.....hmmm, is that false spiritual pride? Maybe. Ok. Yes, on many occasions I feel totally devoted to and 100% a part of the Spirit of Life which is what I call God or "IT". My, my, my, I actually said it out loud in public and am still standing.....amazing. Feels pretty good. In all seriousness, I have been guided to not really speak of this subject much . It kind of had a hush hush feeling to it. The kind of subject and discussion one would have in the back corners of an abbey somewhere. Now days, I am very happy to speak out loud of my God, She, He, IT is firstt in my life and should be a huge part of my thinking, speaking and writing at the appropriate moments, like now.
At one time I was asked by a young sponsee one time how he could begin to demonstrate the qualities of humility and loving kindness. My answer to him was; "love God more than yourself". Good thinking and just maybe the exact course I should take each present moment of my life today. Love IT (God) more than I love myself.
I make the distinction here that I am speaking of the ego "self" or personality "self". That portion of me which seems to want to always interfere with my progress in achieving "God consciousness or Self Realization". I normally refer to this portion of my existence as "the little me, the little i, or little self". Everything else is capitalized and reserved for IT. Oh oh, did I just start the premise of "duality"? We will hold that idea for another article. This awareness of the BIG and little me gives me the opportunity to stay awake in the present moment and think just "what" am I serving at the moment. If the present moment decision is that I am "self" serving, the the command is "STOP IT" and love IT more than your "self".
So, bottom line? It would appear that today my own inherent guidance to my young friend; "love God more than yourself" is right on. If I will strive and achieve this relationship as much as possible, I believe I will be portraying, displaying, manifesting or Being the state of being humble. If I am being humble then I can say that I in a present moment have in fact achieved humility.
Do I accomplish the desired relationship of loving IT more than myself all the time? No. Is it possible? I think so. History shows us examples of humans who are thought today of having been "humble". Am I putting myself in that category? Yes. It seems to me that if any human being is demonstrating humility, regardless of Julian Date, then they are all in the same category, they are humble.
Am I being "un-humble" for writing and saying all of the above? Hmmm, wait a minute this is where I started I think. I all humility this may be a great place to end this entry.
Love and Light,
Richard
PS: Catch me live on Dr. Anna Shouse's Unity FM Recovery talk show on 5 April 2011 at 5PM EST
http://unity.fm/program/SpiritOfRecovery
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tip of the Iceberg? Hmmmm
In my early years growing up I had heard the expression; "...this is just the tip of the iceberg.". Wasn't really sure about that until a little later in life in science in school. Ok, 1/7th showing, rest submerged and not seen. That made sense to my young active scientific mind. When it came to the expression representing something other than actual icebergs I was kinda without a clue.
Then came the horrible time we are supposed to begin to mature, mmmm around 11 years old for me. I had began a nearly lifelong trait of sidestepping anything I needed to resolve any form of emotional concern in my life.
I would see a problem, the whole world would see my problem. What I also began to see was the problem was way worse than anyone else could see. Hence, the 6/7ths of the problem under the surface and dangerous. This is the point in my life I discovered alcohol could hide even the 6/7ths of the problem. Magic eh? Well not really.
After suffering a real dose of "self" for nearly 21 years, the forces of life dictated it was time to quit using alcohol as an escape route. That was good right? No. Now I would have to start looking at and working on all these problems that were being noticed by the world around me, remember the 1/7th has shown all these years, and now I had to tackle the 6/7ths, a task I at first was not up for nor equipped to handle.
I had anethesised my way through all the horrors of puberty, adolesence, and the normal teenage maturing process. I was a 11 year old child in a 32 year old body. I had problems that should have been dealt with 20 years hence and they all were lurking deep within me.....the 6/7ths syndrome I nicknamed it.
Through diligent and repeated use of the principles of the original 12 Steps I was able, with a lot of inside and outside help to attack these problems one by one. Dredging up the entire 6/7ths of a character defect is just not for the feint at heart, especially when they normally dealt with those fun subjects as; sex, drugs n rock n roll. Or at least one out of three.
Compounding these Herculean efforts was one of my other lifelong characteristics of dishonesty. I had graduated to the point of telling lies when the truth would have been more in my favor. That my friends is in fact crazy. Yep. That was me. When I and all the newfound help I was receiving would look at one of these 6/7th problems, my honesty factor would shy away and stand back and tell me; "your on your own here.". At times I referred to my EGO as "chicken".
All this soul baring is leading me to say that after lonnnnng term participation, 37 years to be exact, and lots and lots and lots and lots of work on the inside of me, I now find, well you guessed it. A few more subjects that are in fact 6/7ths of the problem and the other 1/7 is still showing. Doesn't this process ever stop? Are there more and new icebergs created every day? For me it appears to be a natural process. One I must recognize and become friendly with.
Today I make all efforts to haul those 6/7ths "things" up on the table one piece at a time, or as much as I can handle. I still need and use all the help inside and outside I can get. I have decided to quit being my own hero and asking for and receiving help is the way I do that. I must admit that the crowd of "icebergs" hanging around inside of me is getting smaller and smaller in number. I am reminded that it was not a very large iceberg that sank the Titanic but more a exquisitely placed one just in the right spot. Seems like "icebergs" go for quality as opposed to quantity after awhile.
I have decided that this 1/7th idea also applies to the "Love" deep within me. I hold that Love to be synonymous with the God of my understanding, or higher power. You and all the world may see only the "tip of the iceberg' but I see the remaining 6/7ths through meditation and contemplation. It is the process which is the saving grace of me today. I put enormous efforts into displaying as much of the 6/7ths of my Love outside as I can. There are even moments that I am able to show or manifest the entire pure love of me outside. I call those moments sober. Whoops that sounds like I am off into another subject. Will work on that article for a couple of days.
Just think, when you see someone being what you think of as mad, sad, angry, upset and most of all fearful, you are probably seeing only the tip of the iceberg. Conversely, if you feel and see Love from another human being then the 6/7ths of Love deep within them is something you may want to explore and dig after. It is worth it. Imagine a whole iceberg of Love.....sounds good to me.
Love and Light,
richard
Then came the horrible time we are supposed to begin to mature, mmmm around 11 years old for me. I had began a nearly lifelong trait of sidestepping anything I needed to resolve any form of emotional concern in my life.
I would see a problem, the whole world would see my problem. What I also began to see was the problem was way worse than anyone else could see. Hence, the 6/7ths of the problem under the surface and dangerous. This is the point in my life I discovered alcohol could hide even the 6/7ths of the problem. Magic eh? Well not really.
After suffering a real dose of "self" for nearly 21 years, the forces of life dictated it was time to quit using alcohol as an escape route. That was good right? No. Now I would have to start looking at and working on all these problems that were being noticed by the world around me, remember the 1/7th has shown all these years, and now I had to tackle the 6/7ths, a task I at first was not up for nor equipped to handle.
I had anethesised my way through all the horrors of puberty, adolesence, and the normal teenage maturing process. I was a 11 year old child in a 32 year old body. I had problems that should have been dealt with 20 years hence and they all were lurking deep within me.....the 6/7ths syndrome I nicknamed it.
Through diligent and repeated use of the principles of the original 12 Steps I was able, with a lot of inside and outside help to attack these problems one by one. Dredging up the entire 6/7ths of a character defect is just not for the feint at heart, especially when they normally dealt with those fun subjects as; sex, drugs n rock n roll. Or at least one out of three.
Compounding these Herculean efforts was one of my other lifelong characteristics of dishonesty. I had graduated to the point of telling lies when the truth would have been more in my favor. That my friends is in fact crazy. Yep. That was me. When I and all the newfound help I was receiving would look at one of these 6/7th problems, my honesty factor would shy away and stand back and tell me; "your on your own here.". At times I referred to my EGO as "chicken".
All this soul baring is leading me to say that after lonnnnng term participation, 37 years to be exact, and lots and lots and lots and lots of work on the inside of me, I now find, well you guessed it. A few more subjects that are in fact 6/7ths of the problem and the other 1/7 is still showing. Doesn't this process ever stop? Are there more and new icebergs created every day? For me it appears to be a natural process. One I must recognize and become friendly with.
Today I make all efforts to haul those 6/7ths "things" up on the table one piece at a time, or as much as I can handle. I still need and use all the help inside and outside I can get. I have decided to quit being my own hero and asking for and receiving help is the way I do that. I must admit that the crowd of "icebergs" hanging around inside of me is getting smaller and smaller in number. I am reminded that it was not a very large iceberg that sank the Titanic but more a exquisitely placed one just in the right spot. Seems like "icebergs" go for quality as opposed to quantity after awhile.
I have decided that this 1/7th idea also applies to the "Love" deep within me. I hold that Love to be synonymous with the God of my understanding, or higher power. You and all the world may see only the "tip of the iceberg' but I see the remaining 6/7ths through meditation and contemplation. It is the process which is the saving grace of me today. I put enormous efforts into displaying as much of the 6/7ths of my Love outside as I can. There are even moments that I am able to show or manifest the entire pure love of me outside. I call those moments sober. Whoops that sounds like I am off into another subject. Will work on that article for a couple of days.
Just think, when you see someone being what you think of as mad, sad, angry, upset and most of all fearful, you are probably seeing only the tip of the iceberg. Conversely, if you feel and see Love from another human being then the 6/7ths of Love deep within them is something you may want to explore and dig after. It is worth it. Imagine a whole iceberg of Love.....sounds good to me.
Love and Light,
richard
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