When I first entered these rooms of recovery I smugly held that I knew quite well what this "humility" thing was all about. After all I was a humble dude most all of the time, or so I thought. I was to find in the upcoming decades of recovery that I had a lot to learn. An awfully lot to learn. And, maybe even more to un-learn. I had been given quite a few lessons in life by my "tribe" and probably none of them fit well with the idea of being humble. This thing, "humiity" is one of the largest most life changing concepts I was to grapple with and is far and wide bigger and bolder than anything I could think of greater in scope that the 12 Steps. In fact it is entirely possible as I look at it now, that the 12 Steps are actually merely stepping stones to humility and at the least a mechanism for us to start manifesting that natural spirit of Life we all have and truly want to be.
So as I was meandering through life trying to be spiritual and/or humble I started trying to formulate an idea of what humility was and how did it act or look in me. Yeah. Ok. I had no clue. Then when I started talking about it and asking questions I was told that I may want to check out spiritual pride which is the opposite for I may have been acting out those characteristics. This was going to be one of those life efforts that just wasn't going to be easy. And of course, "...the easier softer way" was my way of life.
One day which probably was really 10 years or so long I made an internal discovery. As I sat in the very best attempt I could at meditating, I began to feel a "...peace that passes all human (my) understanding...!", I was becoming aware of my own Divinity during this time (why are you laughing? aren't we all children of the Most High? Therefore, Divine!) and was truly beginning to like and want more of these interior feelings. The more I gave up of myself the more I felt the Presence of the One and Only Power, God. The shear enormity of what I was discovering was actually overwhelming to me. I had never been big on religion or spirituality and now I was headed for humility? Wow.
So all this background brings me to the big question. What is, how is, this thing called humility? I honestly may not be able to articulate this.....hmmm, is that false spiritual pride? Maybe. Ok. Yes, on many occasions I feel totally devoted to and 100% a part of the Spirit of Life which is what I call God or "IT". My, my, my, I actually said it out loud in public and am still standing.....amazing. Feels pretty good. In all seriousness, I have been guided to not really speak of this subject much . It kind of had a hush hush feeling to it. The kind of subject and discussion one would have in the back corners of an abbey somewhere. Now days, I am very happy to speak out loud of my God, She, He, IT is firstt in my life and should be a huge part of my thinking, speaking and writing at the appropriate moments, like now.
At one time I was asked by a young sponsee one time how he could begin to demonstrate the qualities of humility and loving kindness. My answer to him was; "love God more than yourself". Good thinking and just maybe the exact course I should take each present moment of my life today. Love IT (God) more than I love myself.
I make the distinction here that I am speaking of the ego "self" or personality "self". That portion of me which seems to want to always interfere with my progress in achieving "God consciousness or Self Realization". I normally refer to this portion of my existence as "the little me, the little i, or little self". Everything else is capitalized and reserved for IT. Oh oh, did I just start the premise of "duality"? We will hold that idea for another article. This awareness of the BIG and little me gives me the opportunity to stay awake in the present moment and think just "what" am I serving at the moment. If the present moment decision is that I am "self" serving, the the command is "STOP IT" and love IT more than your "self".
So, bottom line? It would appear that today my own inherent guidance to my young friend; "love God more than yourself" is right on. If I will strive and achieve this relationship as much as possible, I believe I will be portraying, displaying, manifesting or Being the state of being humble. If I am being humble then I can say that I in a present moment have in fact achieved humility.
Do I accomplish the desired relationship of loving IT more than myself all the time? No. Is it possible? I think so. History shows us examples of humans who are thought today of having been "humble". Am I putting myself in that category? Yes. It seems to me that if any human being is demonstrating humility, regardless of Julian Date, then they are all in the same category, they are humble.
Am I being "un-humble" for writing and saying all of the above? Hmmm, wait a minute this is where I started I think. I all humility this may be a great place to end this entry.
Love and Light,
Richard
PS: Catch me live on Dr. Anna Shouse's Unity FM Recovery talk show on 5 April 2011 at 5PM EST
http://unity.fm/program/SpiritOfRecovery
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