Ever hear someone around a recovery table say something like; "those earth people..." or maybe; "they......" meaning people outside of the rooms, you know the ones whom we are not like, the ones who are the majority of the human race.
Once I finally made it to recovery, it was a small step to being darned near perfect, a legend in my own mind. When I adopted this attitude, obviously no one outside of recovery could measure up to my "high" standards. Why they didn't even have 12 Steps. Did they even have a "HP"? So I became a "those people" or "earth people" name caller. I was pretty much the example in the rooms of recovery at that time.
My sponsor one day asked me if I felt just a little superior to "those people". Of course, was he kidding? Sure. I didn't drink, I had a HP, I went to meetings, I had a sponsor (although at that second he was under suspicion) and I had cleaned my act up, well pretty much. It was at this time he pretty much laughed in my face and told me told "keep coming back" and maybe I would get better and survive myself. What the heck does that mean?
I began to really listen and watch people who used those terms; "earth people, etc). This was not a good feeling. They said it pretty much like I did, kind of spitting it out or with a huge dose of pity. Did not sound good at all. I started to review just who/whom those persons were that we had judged.....hmmmmm children of mine, wife, friends, co-workers. I liked all these people and loved them truly. I started to get the feeling that I was a sick and recovering person in a small fellowship and looking out into the world at all of humanity. They were and had been doing all the things in life I had wanted to or still wanted to. Healthy relationships, active honest parenting, higher level schooling, elevated job status......wow they seemed to have it all.
In my second 4th Step I discovered that I was in fact "coveting or envying" the life that most of those people had. I didn't have what they had. I did not readily know how to get it either. How dare I demean them (earth people?) because of my inability to grow up and mature as a normal adult. This revelation made a huge difference in my life. I was suffering from an illness and sick and yet my ego wanted me to say; "ahhh those people!" How dare I.
I became much more tolerant and loving of "....those about me." and a little less tolerant of recovery people who wanted to bash the rest of the human race. I had been ostracized by humanity by being asked to step out of the mainstream of life based on my actions in life while abusing substances. Now I was striving to grow up, mature, recover and re-join the human race. What a thrill! To be accepted by everyone as me. To be part of the great whole instead a small part of the ailing community I was in.
Today I seem to be somewhat in balance. I have a solid 12 Step foundation for living which was given to me at early recovery. I am pretty well accepted in my work, church, and societal areas of life. I enjoy and love my fellowship and all that goes with that. Conversely, I also enjoy and love life that is mainstream humanity. I suspect this means that one day at a time I have the chance to be called "a normal human being" or maybe even "one of those people!". Wow, yet another goal met by the Creative Force of Life.
Love and Light,
richard aka ezduzit777
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