"Is bigger better?" "NO!"

   Many  of us ego centric neurotic individuals, particularly male, at times ask; "Is bigger better?".  Most of us really don't want a definitive answer and only ask that question out of fear.  

   In today's thinking I have asked that question with the word "bigger" being synonymous with "larger, higher, more, etc." and it has absolutely no underlying sexual overtones.  Today it more speaks of do I become a "zealot, over achiever, beyond normal person".

   In the past 3 days I have had to be uncomfortable in life as a result of some form of flu, 36 hour type.  All the standard feelings; headache, cramping, soreness, etc.".  It was my choice to lead an exercise group which I do each Saturday.  This effort was created and exists today as a workout for me and for those that want to join in "gratis".
   
   While it is true that I conduct this weekly workout for myself a small part of me hopes and believes that others will indeed benefit from its existence.  I therefore conduct the exercise program to a very high degree of correctness and effort.  During this weeks session I was faced with the choice, a conscious choice of either conduct myself at this session in the highest fashion as always or to allow my malfunctioning body set the pace and tone.  First things first.  I allowed myself to move to the rear of the workout and let and healthy functioning person to conduct the workout.

   As the leader put us through her workout I did acknowledge that my body wanted to be cautious, it did want to set its on pace and flow and that I needed to allow it do what it knew naturally.  

   The thought zipped through my head that "bigger" aka. higher, stronger, etc. was the way, my spirit said; "no, just relax and let the inherent spirit of Life direct this workout for you".  As a result I was able to do the workout completely, correctly and in consonance with all in attendance.  My energy "qi" was able to flow at the amplitude and level required to effect the correct energy flow desired from the workout.

   At the end of the hours workout I felt great.  I was not totally healed yet I was energized to a level that made me aware of how much I liked paying attention to my Spirit when I heard the answer that essentially said; "no, bigger aka, stronger higher, faster" was not better.  The attached "qi gong" short video is offered in an effort to share the way of "less or small is better" as I know it today.

   You would think that simple age old philosophical question would have been answered for me long ago.  Maybe I was not listening.  Could be. Has happened before.  

Love and light
richard

Congruence in any fashion is, well, hard !

     Congruence has not always been an understood word in my vocabulary.  For so many decades I used the word in so many way, which were not all right.  I just had no clue what the word meant.  Neither the definition or the intent of the word meant anything in my life.

   Of course I should have noted that this word "congruent" was popping up in many forms in math situations.  Same size and shaped stuff, they were said to be in congruence. No. No impact at all on my life.  A "numba" is just a "numba".  Congruent or congruence did nothing for me.

   On entering this 12 step recovery program I was urged; directed; told; ordered to "walk my talk".  Fine.  I would be quiet.  If I did not espouse nor articulate nor pontificate then I did not have to "walk my talk".  Oh yeah, for those that know me at all.   I am going to be quiet?  For how long?  One of my early sponsors mused out loud one evening at our home group meeting that; "if you ever shut up you will blow up".   I have literally taken him at his word for the last 40 years.  After all, he died happy, joyous and free, a winner.  So I guess walking my talk became a goal for life, one spirited moment after another.

     Nearly 20 years ago, once again my nemesis in life, aka. "Little ole' lady" popped up from her knitting during a meeting and stabbed me in the heart with her pointed finger and sizzling words of; "you need to learn to live a congruent life!"  Right.  Go back to your knit one pearl two and leave me alone I mumbled.  Goofy ole' lady, what the hell does she mean congruent life?  I am supposed to be the same shape or size as someone else?  Nut cake.

     It only took me nearly 3 months of letting the nut cakes words ferment in my brain before I hit the dictionary.  Hmmm, "...matching or in agreement with something" was one of the listed definitions".  Let's see, "walk your talk" vs "matching or in agreement with something".  Wow, the nut cake was divinely inspired to give me the same message I had gotten 20 years earlier.  It would appear that the God of my understanding either had a sense of humor and loved to have nut cakes (ie. Little ole' ladys) babble at me or IT was once again giving me a thought that I could not get for myself.  

     It was at this time in my life that I began a serious attempt to bring my actions into line with the underlying principles of the originally written 12 steps.  It was also at this time in my life that my life took on new shape, new dynamics, new forms or joy and happiness and most of all a new direction spiritually.  I was on the precipice of growing up and maturing.  Not bad for 50+ years old eh?  

     Today the word congruent and its form of congruence play a large part in my living process.  It has taken a huge amount of attention to life details, honesty at a level I had never practiced, learned compassion, patience which I never knew existed and Love that I have found deep within me.  All of these traits were there all my life, I just did not know them.  I have had the ability to live a congruent life since I was born.  I had never been taught how.  

     I was capable of "walking my talk" for decades, I just did not know I was supposed to.  Just for today I am conscious of that Power Greater than myself that; "...resides deep within me" and I know that IT is what gives me the momentary ability to "walk my talk" and in fact live a congruent life.

     Today I am most grateful for all of those "little ole' ladies" that loved me so much that they would indeed be my nemesis throughout my tenure in this wonderful fellowship.

Love and light
richard

     
    
    

Living serenely = congruency

                                                  


   
     

"The best of two philosophies or I can have my cake and eat it too"

   Well now.  As a child I have no religious training nor spiritual guidance that I can remember.  I suspect learning to bow down to ETOH in any form would qualify for something, not sure what.  For those not certain, ETOH is also known as alcohol; the king of the additives.  Legal, lethal, all pervading throughout life and your body, just plain old alcohol.

   When I came into recovery I embraced a "God of my understanding" even though I did not in any manner understand anything.  But, what the heck they (the recovered people) said it was; "...indispensable to my recovery".  So God it is.  Then I was told to learn to pray.  Yeah.  Ok.  Pray for what?  I had been praying for 20 years to something to save my ass, never happened.  And now I should be praying for, well, who knows.

   After a few years in recovery or at least not drinking, I was privileged to meet an angel who chided me to try "sincere prayer"!  Why whatever was she saying.  I was still the; "now I lay me down to sleep thing" and now I should be "sincere".  I mean I was only trying to work on understanding and forgiveness of my now deceased father who abused us all.  I mean with a God how hard can that be?  On to better and bigger things.

    After another 15 or 16 years in ahhh recovery? I had graduated to meditating, praying without ceasing and even untold more.  My biggest mistake as I look back was ignoring the guidance and or answers from this God of my understanding.  That is a no no I found out.  At 21 years of being dry in between serene sober moments I found out it was all or nothing, 100% into God or get out.  God did not seem to mind but my psyche was like flip flopping all over the joint.  So do something 100 % in each present moment was gonna be the ticket.

   It was then that I met my first Unitic by the name of June.  I was again privileged to help bring her to some stable recovery and she drug me off by the nape of the neck to Unity.  That is philosophy number one.  Fits really really really well with 12steps.  Proffers everything I know about metaphysics.  Leaves NO ONE out.  My kinda stuff.  Divinity abounding with recovery people all over. Yep.  This was it, and still is.  My number one spiritual philosophy still comes to me from Unity.  However, there is that clause in the New Testament something about; "...will be added unto you". So here comes philosophy number 2.

   Having never ever had any training nor exposure to philosophies or even a religion I was again privileged by the Grace of God to be introduced to the Catholic, pronounced "Cat-hol-ic" religion via the 7AM mass.  Well now, I was like lost.  I don't know nothing about genuflecting, kneeling or the other required machinations.  I am not really huge on ritual, well, the Lords Prayer after EVERY meeting might be one, or a chocolate donut with every glass of milk another.  I will say that I do like the singing, very cool and the devotion that most show.  I can get into that.

   Being a teacher of disciplines such as taichi and qi gong usually has me thinking devotion, discipline, want, desire, and any other words I don't know yet.  So discipline and devotion in a church is good for me.  Yet, "no rules just right" is also very cool.  I am now blessed with a Sunday morning that is very much disciplined and ritualized, although I am the only heathen in the place and ends with me hugging a priest who goes into shock.  Then it is a hop skip and a jump over to my Unity home where I get to hug anything that moves.  I got to hear a "homily" in the first and a "lesson" in the second.

   Man o man.  I truly have been given a unique set of spiritual guidance for now, just for now, that I think is like the best of both worlds.  And I do feel blessed at being able to "have my cake and eat it too" when I comes to philosophies that may and should increase my joy in life.

Love and light
Richard

Black and White or Shades of Gray?

   In past months I have been trying to bring a few trains of thinking together as one.  I mean, well isn't it good to be of "one Mind"?  For some reason this molding of thoughts is just not working.

    I have that train of thinking which I endeavor to stay in while acting within the constraints of "my program" aka.  "The Program".  That set of thinking has evolved to be pretty much black and white.  I either do or I don't.  I either drink or I don't.  I either believe in God or I don't.  I either love or I don't.
I either am or I am not.  Yup, pretty much black and white.  Mind you, this style of thinking at times is really not easy given a present moment.

    For example; I think, feel and express love for my loved ones.  There is no doubt in my collective thinking that I do not love them  Given emotional make-up or life circumstances in a moment I have had thoughts of less that "pure love".  It usually is something like; "grrrrrrrrrrrr "They...".  Love DOES NOT think like that.  A neurotic dis-eased human can though.  Black and white?  Nope.  Several shades of gray in all that thinking.

   The thinking that goes along with my teaching of taichi or qi gong should also be black and white.  Either I am dealing in "my energy" or I am not.  This can be such a trap for me.  While teaching am I into my energy or assessing (aka. judging others) efforts?  Dangerous thinking for a recovering neurotic of my flavor.  A set of thinking I really make and effort to stay away from.  I teach, they learn.  That's it.  They learn right or they learn wrong.  For me that works.

    While putting together the thoughts for this blog item it came to me that "black and white" thinking really is possible.  The trick is for me to stay firmly and fondly fixed in the Present Moment.  There can only be one thought in one moment at one time.  While the brain is so fast I am still dealing in a single event or a single Present Moment.

    Today at my Home Group we read a passage from "Around the Year" by Dr. Emmet Fox that spoke of; "...be ye therefore perfect as your Father in heaven is...".  I came to understand that this can occur in ONLY once instance, a Present Moment.  When I am in "constant contact" with God on a given moments basis, I am indeed "Perfect" spiritually and yessss, indeed into single thinking of a black and white nature.

    God is...I Am.  Two thoughts which are in balance and just for me represent the best of single mind or "black and white" thinking.  I don't really need to reformat my trains of thinking, just pay attention to the present moment and go with "what comes naturally".

    What say you readers?

Love and light

richard

So just how do I know...?

     In my quest for living a healthy life through 12 Steps I have at times had to make some serious, adult, downright scary decisions.  Not for the feint at heart type of decisions.  Most of the time I can make the decision based on based occurrences or possibly counsel with others that know of my problem.  The hard part for me is what follows that decision.  How do I know I made or am making the right decision?

     Almost always my doubting my decision comes down to believing more in myself than the Higher Self of Me.  The little "me" has a lack confidence many times.  The "Higher Me" seems always to be confident.  It seems that I should take the "Higher Self" into all thought processes, especially those that involve decisions.

     I have satisfactorily demonstrated to myself that when I take the time and make the effort to get quiet or "still" and look inside of me for the Power Within, that  I most always hear exactly what I need to live life and make sound logical decisions.  Getting quiet or meditating is absolutely essential to the process.

     I call this entire process the "knowing" process.  I cannot just live on the idea of thinking, believing, having faith or guessing what life is about.  I do best when I "know" what "Life" is doing in my life.  My best guidance for this comes from the Old testament; "be still and know I Am is God" says the poet and Psalmist.  Be still or be quiet has been the spiritual answer throughout the ages and is apropos now.

     I can accomplish this stillness and confidence building process through many means such as meditation, prayer or writing.  When  I do follow this process it is amazing what confidence and strength I am rewarded with.  It is also amazing at what depth of thinking and realization comes during this quieting process.

     In this quieting mode of life I begin to know and accept what is manifesting in my thought world.  A simple act of quietness allows me to "know" just "know" what is correct and right.  "Knowing" is a deeper more profound feeling than a simple awareness of right or wrong.  Knowing is at the depth of soul the very heart of me.  It is the very essence of me becoming One with the One.  That is where good, sound decisions are made for me.  I know this to be true.

Love and light,

richard

From; "The book of Chester, sacred text"

"The Knowing"

: The knowing is not the thoughts :
: The knowing is not the feelings :
: The knowing is not the body :
: The knowing is not the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found beyond the thoughts :
: The knowing is found without the feelings :
: The knowing continues when the body does not :
: The knowing trancends the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found within :
: The knowing is sometimes forgotten :
: The knowing is never gone :
: The knowing is for you to find :
: :
: The knowing is what you are :
: The knowing is where you have been :
: The knowing is where you are going :: The knowing is knowing you know :



   

Cold water; oh yeah I dislike it, but...

     While at the beach (Gulf of Mexico), I had the opportunity to "spit" in the face of an old "fear"; of cold water.  I know, that sounds just a little nuts of which many think of me that way already.

     The story; as a child my father tried to teach me and my brother to swim by throwing us out of a rowboat and letting us catch the boat.  Oh my my my!  That was some really cold water.  Oh, did I say the body of water was Lake Erie?  Yeah, really cooooooooooool aka. cold water.

     Next part of the story moves to various hospitals.  Always Catholic hospitals.  As a sickly child I ended up with numerous trips to the hospital for pneumonia or severe allergic reactions.  The nuns always had the idea that an ice bath followed by a hot shower would break a fever.  What it broke was my love for nuns.  It also helped me foster the intense dislike to cold water...especially after a hot shower.

     The final part of this saga is a father who would drag me off to the "Y" to swim with him...freezing cold water in the pool.  Nope, not me.  Into the hot showers I would go and camp out.  I got scolded severely and decided again I did not like cold water of any kind.

     Any time I can face and understand a fear in the past, I open myself up to the potential of ridding myself of that fear.  Just for today I did just that.

     When I arrived at the beach I knew the water temperature was cool....no cold.  It was approximately 61 degrees Fahrenheit.  I love being in the Gulf of Mexico so very much I made up my mind instantly that I would be in that water.  It is also the only body of water I can float in...  A body fat content of -1 doesn't let me float normally.

     As soon as I had laid down my towel I made sure the camera was rolling and I veritably ran head first into the water.  Guess what?  I still don't like cold water!!!
I did roll around.  I did laugh manically.  I did wave at the camera.  (The video is posted below)  I did resolve my fear of cold water.  I will now proceed with a profound respect for cold water.

     I am looking deep within for more old leftover fears that I can confront.  Maybe  I will take on oh...who knows.

Love and light
richard

   

   

"When does change stop?"

    Over the last decades I have often wondered if life would ever settle down to the point that it would become steady, non-changing.  I have now formed the opinion that, "nope, ain't gonna happen".

     The largest reason I can seem to come up with is that I have decided for me, and only me, that God, God as I understand "IT" is; omnipresent, omniscient, omniactive and omnipotent.  That means, IT always is and always will be in each and every present moment.

     That leads me to the conclusion that God, IT, represents constant change and is always present, active, powerful and intelligent.  So change must be in process over all moments of time.  At the cellular level I am certainly an evolving changing entity.

     It now reasons out that change is "all good" since it is representative of IT and IT is always all good.  That also leads me to think that when I start looking for a "quiet or non-changing" period that I am in the midst of some form of life disturbance.  Rather than working my through that I simply try to by-pass the effort and just look for "no change", quietness.

     All this thinking on change also brings me to the conclusion that I live deep within the "illusion", more than I suspected ever.  This may need some critical thinking on my part....hmmm critical thinking...always changing, ever evolving?

     This is where I get off this merry go round.  Any thoughts ?  Ideas?  Comments?

Love and Light
richard