Saturday, March 19, 2011

The difference between "being used" and "feeling used"

During those days, months and years, that I was actively pursuing my disease on a daily basis, so many times I would end up feeling used and abused.  It was not uncommon for my head to tell me that "I was being taken advantage of" or "how someone was treating me as a fool".  These types of thoughts were the way my persona got permission from my brain to go on yet another bender of some sort.  Great excuse system for a drunk.

When I was feeling very insecure and at times very paranoid, the feelings of being used were nearly overwhelming.  This just created more negativity deep within me.  It was like a vicious circle.  Like a squirrel cage treadmill, I just did not know how to stop the merry go round.

Today by changing many of my persona characteristics I now know the feeling of "being used".  Being used by the Power of the Universe, by friends and loved ones seeking help, by the world at large by accepting my never ending love for them.  This feeling of being useful is actually very cool and quite a great uplifting feeling for me.  The difference being, I submit myself to the process of the "Life" and get used for Its Highest Good.  I used to fight and not submit anything to anybody at anytime and  that result was I got used and abused.

So today the key for me to continue to; "practice these principles in all my affairs" is submitting my will to The Universe.  The Universe aka "Power Greater than Myself"is that which is my own free will enables me to just give it up of my own free volition.  Anything less that total submission for me is going to result in my feeling like I am once again being used and abused.  Even for me this is a simple process to remember.  Submit will, bask in sunlight of the spirit.  Fight and do not submit and end up suffering at the hands of my own Egoic personality and fate I do not want to suffer again.

So for any of my friends out there, either known or not known. thank you for today and your sharing.  I am thrilled to report that based on your sharing and your honesty I truly felt used today by God deep within me.  I would not trade that for anything in the world.  This feeling of "being a tool on earth for the Divine" is something no one could have convinced me of in the beginning of this journey through life in recovery.

The feeling or mental state of being used is far far greater than anything I had been promised by anyone in recovery and even than that stated on pages 83 and 84 of our Big Book....far greater.  It is also a feeling that is worthy of my attention in the present moment each moment.

Love and Light,
aka ezduzit777

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