Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What comes from the mouth starts in the mind!

   In many meetings I hear the term; "...the alcoholic mind...".  Seems to refer to a mind that is not operating correctly yet, one that is still riddled with the effects of the disease we call alcoholism.  That being said, I guess that means that some of what is said and that I hear is probably coming from, well, an alcoholic mind.

   Maybe some of those sharing that seem to need to use profanity or try and have some form of shock value for the rest of us are really speaking from an alcoholic mind?  I mean I remember my 4th grade teacher saying that if we could not express ourselves without profanity then we probably had no idea what we were trying to say.  It is true that at the end of my active addiction that I truly spoke like the "two fisted sailor I was".  Yikes!  I do apologize to anyone who knew me then and can remember what I had to swear about.

   As I moved into longer "non drinking time", not to be construed with "sobriety", definition to follow, I became ever so aware that my language was in fact at many times inappropriate for mixed company such as children and elders which I thought I respected.  Four letter words don't make for a very meaningful conversation at anytime anywhere.  I started to make a conscious effort to see if I could in fact change my learned behavior in my speech and become a ahhhhh adult! What a concept for me.  Current working definition of sobriety is; "...emotional stability which allows spiritual growth.".

   Now many 24 hours later as I sit in the rooms and counsel with others one on one I sometimes hear my old self and frankly I don't really enjoy it.  I am shocked at the number of people who continually need to express themselves using the language of their past active addiction.  This is what they meant by an alcoholic mind.  The mind which has not moved forward.  The mind that is stuck in days of old. The mind that is somewhat infantile and afraid to act like a responsible person.  I am totally aware that for myself and I suspect for others there is absolutely no reason for me to resort to profanity, none.

   I also see a danger, only because I am now living with the results of some of this behavior in speech, in the toll it took on my children.  My children are older now and are raising their children.  I remember not so all along ago though that I was hearing those four letter words out of their mouth.  I used to hide my head and tell myself it was "those other kids" that was influencing them.  Wrong.  It was me.  Not a good example was I at many times.  While I truly regret that influence on them, I know that it is theirs to correct if it still a habit with them. I cannot correct that in them.  Nor can I correct that in anyone around me in or out of the meetings.  I am allowed and responsible to at times to bring it to others attention if it is offending me.  Then I trust I will have; "...the courage to change the things I can...".

   So when the noose of life slips tight like a perceived bad day, a driver cuts me off, my check bounces, lost or stolen money, you name it, some situation that I really don't like comes along, I try to change my spots.  Oh by the way, scientists declare that leopards DO IN FACT change their spots as they grow older.  That's for me.  The two fisted drunken sailor wants to be accepted as a whole, holy person.  That is my goal.  Be accepted for what I am in this present moment.  Do I have moments of momentary slipping back into old self?  Of course.  I may be good and I may have been born on Christmas Day, I am in fact still a human struggling to be "all I can be".  It says on page 62 at the bottom of the page that; "God is our Father".  Guess that not only gives me the right to act as a child of God, it gives me the task to act as that child; " all my affairs."

Love and Light


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