So just how do I know...?

     In my quest for living a healthy life through 12 Steps I have at times had to make some serious, adult, downright scary decisions.  Not for the feint at heart type of decisions.  Most of the time I can make the decision based on based occurrences or possibly counsel with others that know of my problem.  The hard part for me is what follows that decision.  How do I know I made or am making the right decision?

     Almost always my doubting my decision comes down to believing more in myself than the Higher Self of Me.  The little "me" has a lack confidence many times.  The "Higher Me" seems always to be confident.  It seems that I should take the "Higher Self" into all thought processes, especially those that involve decisions.

     I have satisfactorily demonstrated to myself that when I take the time and make the effort to get quiet or "still" and look inside of me for the Power Within, that  I most always hear exactly what I need to live life and make sound logical decisions.  Getting quiet or meditating is absolutely essential to the process.

     I call this entire process the "knowing" process.  I cannot just live on the idea of thinking, believing, having faith or guessing what life is about.  I do best when I "know" what "Life" is doing in my life.  My best guidance for this comes from the Old testament; "be still and know I Am is God" says the poet and Psalmist.  Be still or be quiet has been the spiritual answer throughout the ages and is apropos now.

     I can accomplish this stillness and confidence building process through many means such as meditation, prayer or writing.  When  I do follow this process it is amazing what confidence and strength I am rewarded with.  It is also amazing at what depth of thinking and realization comes during this quieting process.

     In this quieting mode of life I begin to know and accept what is manifesting in my thought world.  A simple act of quietness allows me to "know" just "know" what is correct and right.  "Knowing" is a deeper more profound feeling than a simple awareness of right or wrong.  Knowing is at the depth of soul the very heart of me.  It is the very essence of me becoming One with the One.  That is where good, sound decisions are made for me.  I know this to be true.

Love and light,

richard

From; "The book of Chester, sacred text"

"The Knowing"

: The knowing is not the thoughts :
: The knowing is not the feelings :
: The knowing is not the body :
: The knowing is not the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found beyond the thoughts :
: The knowing is found without the feelings :
: The knowing continues when the body does not :
: The knowing trancends the mind :
: :
: The knowing is found within :
: The knowing is sometimes forgotten :
: The knowing is never gone :
: The knowing is for you to find :
: :
: The knowing is what you are :
: The knowing is where you have been :
: The knowing is where you are going :: The knowing is knowing you know :



   

Cold water; oh yeah I dislike it, but...

     While at the beach (Gulf of Mexico), I had the opportunity to "spit" in the face of an old "fear"; of cold water.  I know, that sounds just a little nuts of which many think of me that way already.

     The story; as a child my father tried to teach me and my brother to swim by throwing us out of a rowboat and letting us catch the boat.  Oh my my my!  That was some really cold water.  Oh, did I say the body of water was Lake Erie?  Yeah, really cooooooooooool aka. cold water.

     Next part of the story moves to various hospitals.  Always Catholic hospitals.  As a sickly child I ended up with numerous trips to the hospital for pneumonia or severe allergic reactions.  The nuns always had the idea that an ice bath followed by a hot shower would break a fever.  What it broke was my love for nuns.  It also helped me foster the intense dislike to cold water...especially after a hot shower.

     The final part of this saga is a father who would drag me off to the "Y" to swim with him...freezing cold water in the pool.  Nope, not me.  Into the hot showers I would go and camp out.  I got scolded severely and decided again I did not like cold water of any kind.

     Any time I can face and understand a fear in the past, I open myself up to the potential of ridding myself of that fear.  Just for today I did just that.

     When I arrived at the beach I knew the water temperature was cool....no cold.  It was approximately 61 degrees Fahrenheit.  I love being in the Gulf of Mexico so very much I made up my mind instantly that I would be in that water.  It is also the only body of water I can float in...  A body fat content of -1 doesn't let me float normally.

     As soon as I had laid down my towel I made sure the camera was rolling and I veritably ran head first into the water.  Guess what?  I still don't like cold water!!!
I did roll around.  I did laugh manically.  I did wave at the camera.  (The video is posted below)  I did resolve my fear of cold water.  I will now proceed with a profound respect for cold water.

     I am looking deep within for more old leftover fears that I can confront.  Maybe  I will take on oh...who knows.

Love and light
richard