Thursday, August 11, 2011

"Enabling? Me? Hmmm I don't think so!"

    When I first came to recovery my family and in particular my spouse were exposed to the philosophy of "do not enable" the sick person.  Certainly love, comfort and care for, just don't enable them.  Do not make it easy or easier to continue to be sick.  In my case, they needed to quit making excuses for me, they needed to consider helping themselves if I did not respond to treatment and they needed to lay the results of my terrible thinking in my lap where it belonged.  They needed to quit being some of my excuses.

   This process was entirely foreign to them and it totally baffled me.  I really did not understand nor did I like what they were being encouraged and taught to do.  I kind of didn't really want some of my "support base" eroded just in case things didn't go the right way.  Selfish?  Oh yeah.  Of course this is the period of time I really had a lot on my plate of life trying to get me recovered in some form of fashion.

   Now some years later I have been thrust into situations where I need to learn to "stop enabling" others and figure out I am powerless even yet in another area of my thinking.  Since I was not part of the "stop enabling" training some decades ago, I now find myself asking me if I am being an enabler?  Do I do the wrong things try to help and be right for other people?  Do I act our of emotionality rather than positive loving support?  These are questions I am sorting out with the advice and counsel of those that are in the "know"  They would  be the people who been through these processes and came out the other side in very good emotional and spiritual shape.  They are my trusted advisers either in or out of the recovery circles.  My recovery program has always been quick to point me in the direction of outside help with no hesitation of using "outside sources".  There are some very smart people out there that I could use their expertise.

   It seems that this process of "not enabling" is far more intricate and vast than I ever thought.  How I must have acted and sounded in early recovery when those around me were trying to get it right.  I was very much ignorant of the process and requirements for the process.  Now I am in the process and somewhat lost.  My literature tells me; " some of these we balked."  I must admit I may not be approaching this with a "fearless" attitude.  Seems that this whole idea may just be one of the areas I need to grow in.  The deep seeded want and need to help my loved ones in a positive and helpful manner.  Not necessarily in "my manner".  This would be a much simpler task if substance abuse was part of the situation.  It is not.  I am well versed in that process.  I need to know how to stop this enabling.  It seems that is what I am doing without a structured program.  Kind of ad hoc. That is why the outside help is being sought.

   "More will be revealed."  I sure hope so.  I am planning on it.  I have decided to let God win this race.  "IT" is certainly infinitely more well equipped for this task than I am; "and I think I will let Him/Her/IT."

   The fruits of my labors now will become apparent in future blog items.  One will be able to determine just where I am in this quest for help and direction.

Love and Light,

aka ezduzit777 on twitter

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