Monday, June 13, 2011

"What or who" is in charge of my mind?

    I often wonder what faction is in control of my mind.  Is it "who" which is my humanity and the committee or the "What" which is the Divine of Me.  As I write the last two sentences it dawns on me that I never have to guess, I really always know.

   When I ponder this question it usually means that "me, my ego, or the committee" is in full session and I do not want to acknowledge that.  It never feels good to have to admit to myself that once again I have pulled a power play mentally and taken back my will and my life.  That is a sign of my illness and of my lack of character in the moment.  All the moments I have allowed The Divine or "What" control are wiped out and I must admit to being crazy one more time......not a fun thing.  The only bright spot in this process is the idea that I will consciously let go of my thought process and let The Light of God spill into my present moment mind.  All this thinking process takes place at the speed of the mind.  From sanity to insanity in one thought.

   As I feel new life rush into me and the old thought and feeling leave, I know that I have returned to that place that some called sobriety.  I prefer to call it "my natural state".  That state of mind which I was at birth or possibly even before.  That perfect "love" feeling and thinking of a newborn child.  This is not only possible on a moment to moment basis, it is  the goal in my life.  

   The one day at a time concept has taken on the meaning of one thought at a time for me.  Life can be fast paced and hectic yet my thinking can always be divinely inspired or controlled, that is my choice.  I can bask in the sunlight of the spirit or listen and feel the abhorrent power of "the committee" which is chaired by a mumbling old politician name "Dr. K."  That mumbling and feeling of powerlessness is truly a maddening feeling and one that I work at to not feel.

   So, to answer the question of this blog; "What" is in charge at this moment and "who" has subjected itself to "What" and is writing this blog item.  "who" knows if and when the process could change but "What" is always up to the occasion.  The concept of "What and who" is as old as man and just for today is resolved in the favor of "What".

   This concept was originally spoken some 50 - 60 yrs ago by Dr. Tom the dentist from Baton Rouge, La.   Thank you Dr. Tom for being.

Love and Light,

richard aka "who" or
ezduzit777 on twitter

Thursday, June 2, 2011

So, who really needed prayer?

   Early this morning I participated in a family prayer session at a  distance.  I was the father of the family and one of my children was facing extremely long delicate neurosurgery.  I felt like I had to do something important.  After all, I am the father, what would a father do in this case?

  Ever since coming to recovery and learned that prayer is supposed to work I have struggled with the idea that I am supposed to pray for others but that actually those prayers will more than likely be for me.  Sounds crazy eh? I have now experienced over and over many times in prayer for various reasons.  I have also learned from my mentors that prayer is actually for me to align or adapt myself to Gods Will.  I am the only one that can change my makeup as a human and I cannot change anyone else.  All those times I prayed for others I was really re-working my interior being to turn only to the Divine within.  I was also readying myself to receive a response to prayer.  Of course I needed to learn there were many many answers I could get.  Yes, no, maybe or even wait.
   So, in Its Infinite Wisdom the Most High made me just a little more aware of this prayer process the other night when praying with my family member.  I took charge the evening before and scheduled time with the loved one.  Scheduled?  Mandated I think, for I am the father that knows all and is in touch with Him....sigh.
My loved one being as savvy as they are just allowed me to bumble along.

   The next morning before surgery I set up the telephones, made ready the prayer time and thought and I just knew I was doing the right thing.  I contacted my loved one and then brought in the 3rd party for a prayer conference call.  What a marvelous prayer time.  Just what I needed to hear.  Nothing like live prayer.  It lifted me up to the Higher Consciousness I needed to be in and I just knew it would do the same for my loved child that was facing surgery.

   As the prayer session was brought a close I felt that as a  father and human being I had done the right thing for the right reason.  I felt good about "I".  Hmmm.  Should have taken that as a sign for myself.  When the third party prayer person had hung up the phone I asked my loved one how they felt.  Hello? Hello?  No response.  I thought well it was very relaxing and very quieting, quite possibly they had fallen asleep as they were driven to the hospital. Hello?  Hello!  Yikes, the telephone in my hand indicated there was no call in progress.  What?  How could that be?????????  I had done everything right!

   I re-called the number of my loved one and was told; "yes in fact they were asleep and had fallen asleep BEFORE any call was made!".  They missed it!  Instant egoic thinking on my part was; "how could they do this to ME when I had done so much to bring this about?".   Selfish to a deathly fault.  I then immediately went in to prayer for myself, I needed it. Wait, maybe that was the answer.

   My loved one had all the support they needed, had all their family around them, had consulted many doctors and was comfortable with the surgery.  They were ready and prayer up and on the way. The one who needed Gods Infinite support and love at this second was ME!  This whole prayer thing this morning was a ruse by God to get me to turn to Him.  The answer to all my affairs in life is turning to God.  Again, for me to turn to God.  I should not think for a  second that means others in my do or do not.  It is truly none of my business.  Wow, over a half lifetime at this recovery stuff and still being shown new and wondrous things by "babes".  In particular, one of my babies.

  Who really needed prayer?  The only one that I can impact directly on. Me.  By the way, the surgery was a total 10 hour success and the patient is moving on and along with their life in a truly remarkable fashion.  Always a lesson for me to learn.  Thank you God.

Love and Light,
aka ezduzit777