This word "but" can be a real killer !

   How many times have I made a powerful personal statement only to find out I completely negated it with the word "but"?  This word seems to pervade the human vocabulary at the wrong times, at least never at the right times for me.  When I came to recovery I never once considered that I truly may grow up, mature and think of others.  This process has really had a profound impact on my use of this word "but".

   One of the best examples I can think of is when someone very close and loving to you says; "I love you, but...."  But?  So I thought I heard; "I love you" as in totally unconditional acceptance, tolerance, happiness, joy, love and then got stopped cold in my tracks with "but".  I guess I really heard; "I almost and just maybe love you....however there are some areas which I hold in reserve....blah blah blah".  so it appears that this word ?but" can be a killer in some instances.....well most.  

   Gosh, I wonder if I do this with that Power Greater than Myself? Would I?  Probably not on purpose, well probably.  I actually can think of sometimes in my life when I said things to myself like; "I really don't need God interfering right now, I have things under control".  Very dangerous practice it seems.  Also a mite stupid as I think about it now.  I am now hearing in my head; "say what you mean and mean what you say!".  Why is it those old cliches come back at the wrong times?  Every time my grandmother uttered yet another prophetic saying I would cringe.  I just knew that I would hear it in my ears somewhere in the future at the right but wrong time.

  I have been reminded many times by my mentors in recovery and in Unity, my spiritual choice of practice these days www.unity.org that the word "but" may just mean "a human opinion to follow".  Similar to; "Yes I know you are totally correct, but...." just fill in the blank with a judgement, opinion or something I really shouldn't say.  It seems somewhere along the life path my ego decided it needed to be right either all or at least most of the time.  There are moments when that is still true.  By listening for and to that "still small voice inside me", I can become aware more quickly and take actions as necessary to defeat that process.  Again a process that I never in a million years would have thought I would cultivate back when life changed for me so drastically.

   Back to "but".  It seems that by listening to and hearing others use the word I am becoming more and more attuned to how I do not want to be.  I truly want to say to those I love; "I love you" and have that mean 100% without reservation.  I truly want to say to God as I understand IT/Him/Her; "I trust in you" and again have that mean totally without hesitation or second thoughts.  This takes practice, this takes awareness, this takes honesty.  Those are qualities I did not come to this way of life with.  Maybe I possessed them innately, I really did not consciously practice any of them in my way of life.

   So, these days if I want to live a congruous life, one which is in consonance with all that I think I should be doing, I have decided like a few other words need to get lost out of my vocabulary.  Words such as; "hate, never and of course but".  It just seems that these absolutely negative words have no valid purpose at all in my life.  I feel certain that those in my life would agree that they prefer to hear me speak in the most positive terms possible and not have to consider whether I am being completely or totally honest.  I know it certainly makes life much more simpler and in fact easier for me.

   It now seems that in my life today "the easier softer way" is in fact "The Way",  The Way of Truth.

Love and Light

richard
aka ezduzit777 on twitter

   

   

   

   

   

   

 

   

Compassion and care for others, not me!

The surroundings of my upbringing did not lend itself to teaching me very much about how I should treat other people, my family and friends.  Until the age of 32 it was "me" and only "me"that drove most of my thinking.  At times I would have a flash of brilliance and try to do something or say something to help others, but certainly I was doing that for what I could get in return.

Now I look back and understand that my lack of feelings for others was my training.  I like most other human beings was only doing what I had been nurtured to do.  I had been created at birth by a Divine Source  and then re-created by family, friends and society.  When I learned of the 12 Steps it was a realization that I was going to need to be re-created once again and it would take my Divine Source to do it.  I could not fathom nor see anything in my newly found program that was grand enough, including a HP that could accomplish this feat.  What I did not know was that the catch phrase; "...in all our affairs." would include once again include family, friends and society which were to become  be the tools of my HP's re-creation of me.

Over the next 3 decades HP has had Its "hands full".  I never learned to deal with change very well.  Every time I was called upon to take the concerns of others into consideration I balked.  I had to be led "by the nose" to the realizations that a times I needed to have compassion and care for others and not just my little self.  For years I viewed this process as far beyond the scope of 12 Steps.  It was.  I needed more help than they could give me in my limited human capacity.

It would become apparent that I was one individual like many others in my circle of life that was going to need special or outside help in all three afflicted areas of my life; physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I was informed that if I were to affect a significant spiritual change all other things would take care of themselves.
Through all the mechanics available to me in "the program" plus many others I have found, I have been blessed with having a significant change in attitude.

I now know what compassion feels like for I have had compassion shown to me and I was able to feel it, understand it and then emulate it.  I know also what it is like to care for others in a loving way.  Again, this was given to me and I simply re-create those feelings for others today.  None of this happened over night.  None of this happened without a measure of spiritual pain.  None of this happened without the necessary discovery and corrective actions for my character.  My biggest discovery in seeking that which would enable me to become the person I wanted to be was a spiritual movement known as Unity.

Unity has lifted my higher in my spiritual recovery than I could have ever imagined.  Remember I was told that I needed spiritual recovery which would fix all other things for me.  This newfound spiritual movement was to propel me into none other than the "4th dimension" I had heard so much of.  While the 12 Steps were instrumental in building a basis for life, Unity was to give me the boost in life for me to have spiritual volume in my life.  Seeking consciousness through prayer and meditation at level which I never found in the program was to be my "saving grace".  I have been privileged again to go from wondering what the heck meditation was to leading meditations for the public.  I would find out that thee are millions of like minds out there seeking God on so many levels that I could never be alone again.  Along with my prolific involvement in Unity I would also be led to a mind/body recovery through the discovery of a passion for Tai Chi.

This Chinese mind, body and spirit movement program would be the catalyst to enable me to address many physical, emotional and spiritual needs I could not, noooo, would not address through any other way in my life.  This phase of my existence allows me to recognize and give compassion to those trying to learn and become healthy.  This practice has aided me in growing past many deep psychological ailments which the program and Unity began to correct but couldn't for I would not allow it.

Today I am keenly aware that there is infinitely more to living this life than I ever thought the day I met the 12 Steps.  There is indeed a Universe which is friendly and depending on my momentary perception, all creatures in that Universe are also friendly, compassionate and caring.  While some say;"it takes a village to raise a child, that would be me" I say; "it took the Universe to raise me".  Yes there is more than just 12 Steps, I just needed to wake up and go find it!.  I got mine just for today and I suspect yours is just there waiting to be manifested at your request.

Love and Light
richard